“Or you could just live here,” I blurted out. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to spring that on you.”
He looked down at his lap but smiled.
“I would love to move in with you. Someday. But right now I think I need to learn how to actually take care of myself. Like, really take care of myself. Be independent. I’ve always relied on someone or something else to help me. No more. I’m going to do this on my own. It feels good. Really good.”
He smiled, and it was so sweet that I wanted to wrap myself around him like an octopus and never let go.
“That’s okay. I don’t know if I’m ready to take that step anyway. I don’t know why I said that. In case you haven’t noticed, I tend to say what’s on my mind.” It had gotten me into some sticky situations, but it had also gotten me out of some, so there you had it.
Ryder held my chin and looked deep into my eyes.
“Don’t you ever change, S. Harris.”
“I’ll try not to, R. Blythe.”
I told Ryder he could go ahead and use my shower. He suggested that I join him, but I didn’t think I could deal with anyone touching my ladybits anytime soon. They were off limits, even to me.
He changed into one of the outfits I’d made him.
“Aren’t all your clothes dirty?” I asked.
He shook his head. “I kept a few things in my bag that I didn’t want to mess up. This was one of them.”
Aw. So he hadn’t wanted to grunge up the clothes I’d made him.
“You can wear them and mess them up. They’re meant to be worn, and I can mend them for you.” I definitely didn’t mind the idea of having to hand sew Ryder’s clothes or put patches on them. I loved that idea.
“And I can make you more stuff. Just tell me what you want and I’ll create it for you.”
“You don’t have to,” he said, rubbing his head, fluffing out his hair.
“I know, but I want to. I like doing things for you.”
He leaned down to give me a soft kiss.
“I need to go and be with my brother for a while. Will you be okay here?”
Yeah, I’d probably be okay for a few minutes without him. I was going to start drawing him an entire wardrobe, and I was going to surprise him with it whether he liked it or not.
“Yeah. And when you get back, you can read the rest of the letters.” His eyes lit up when I mentioned the letters again. I’d almost forgotten about them in the heat of last night.
“Sounds like a plan. And then maybe we can have dinner, and I can eat it off of you.”
I made a face. I didn’t like mixing food and sex. Too many weird things could go wrong with that whole situation.
“Or maybe we could go out for dinner. Somewhere nice,” he said.
“Perfect.” He gave me one more kiss before he grabbed the rest of his stuff and headed down the hall. I tried to tell myself that he was just a few yards away, but my heart was dumb and wouldn’t listen.
I told myself to get a grip. He’d be right back. I could deal with not seeing him for a little while. Hell, I did without him for a whole damn month.
But that was before I told him that I loved him, and before he said he loved me in person. Everything was different now. Sure, life was more complicated, but what wasn’t? Yes, things could go wrong, but I could trip in the bathroom while brushing my teeth and impale myself on the toothbrush and die. Life was all about risks, and if you never took any, you weren’t living. I’d been balls to the wall in most everything I did, but with my love life I’d been cautious. Not anymore. I was all in.
All fucking in.
~*~*~
I happily got to work making Ryder more clothes. Pants and jeans and jackets and shirts and even a few suits. I really wanted to see him in a suit again.