Twenty-Nine
I waited ten excruciating minutes before I had to leave the room. With nowhere else to go, I slunk down the hall to Rory and Lucah’s place. I didn’t bother knocking.
“Sloane! Boundaries!” Rory barked at me as I walked in on the two of them making out on the couch. Everyone had caught the sex bug tonight.
“Sorry. I just needed a place to be for, um, a little while.” I could feel my body twitching like when I had too much caffeine.
Rory and Lucah got up and rearranged themselves. Lucah made sure to wipe the red lipstick off his mouth.
“Where’s Ryder?” he asked.
“He’s just hanging out at my place for a few minutes.” Or hours. Why had I written such long fucking letters?
I also hadn’t thought this through. Being so completely turned on and afraid that they could somehow tell wasn’t that much fun. And potentially embarrassing.
“Why?” Lucah asked, instantly alarmed.
“Nothing. Hey, can I talk to you for a second?” I asked, latching on to Rory’s arm and dragging her into the bedroom, not giving her a choice.
“Yeah, I guess, if you’re going to kidnap me.”
Lucah was getting more alarmed by the second.
“Don’t get your panties in a twist. We’re fine,” I said as I slammed the bedroom door behind me.
“Ryder said he’s going to fuck me,” I blurted out.
“Whoa, I really did not need to know that, Sloane,” Rory said, sitting on her bed.
“Sorry, but he just said it. Out of the blue. Like he was telling me we were going to watch a movie. I mean, I’m used to him being direct, but shit,” I said, pacing in front of the bed. I couldn’t stay still.
“Okay, so what did you say back?” This was quite a role reversal. Normally she was the one freaking out and I was the one who did the talking and advice giving.
“I said okay. I mean, you know I’ve wanted to get with him forever. But maybe that’s not a good idea. Maybe it’s too soon, or it’s a bad idea, or . . . I don’t know. He told me he loved me.” I couldn’t seem to string together a set of thoughts that made any sense.
“He did? Before or after he asked for the sex?”
“Before,” I said, finally sitting down next to her, bringing my knees up and setting my chin on them. “I told him I loved him back. And I do. I do love him. And I want to have sex with him.”
“And?” Rory said, sensing there was more to it.
“And all the reasons I keep telling myself are good reasons not to be with him all seem stupid. Like I’m using them because I’m scared.”
Rory lay back on her bed and I lay back with her. We both stared up at the ceiling.
“What are you scared of?” she asked.
“A lot of things. Of him breaking my heart. Of things not working out. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. If something were to happen, if he ended up messing things up again . . . I don’t know how I’d get through it. I really don’t. He has the power to really fuck my life up.”
Rory was silent for a moment.
“I know how you feel. It was the same way with Lucah. I was scared to open up to him and share with him parts of myself I’d never shared with anyone, but then I realized that it was too late. I’d already done it. Love like that . . . it isn’t something you can fight. It grabs a hold of you and doesn’t let go. Even if that other person doesn’t seem right for you. I thought Lucah was totally wrong for me, and then I fell in love with him and everything made sense.” I’d been with her during that time. She’d been so conflicted, so confused. Just like me now.
“Remember when you told me I was in love with Lucah and I denied it and denied it?”
“No, I don’t remember that at all,” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. Rory was the last one to realize (or maybe that was on purpose) she was in love with Lucah. And then we’d gotten drunk and she’d left him a voicemail. The whole thing was hilarious. At least I hadn’t done that.
“Well, I’m going to do that for you now. You love him. He loves you. Yes, there are obstacles, but there always are. No road to love is smoothly paved. Whether you like it or not, you’re on a journey with him now.” She made it sound so romantic like that.