“What’s what you thought?” My voice was loud in my ears. Everything was too loud. My voice, my heart, the blood rushing through my body. I almost felt like I was upside down, with all the blood going to my brain. And other places, of course.
“You.” He let me go and I wobbled a little, trying to keep him close.
Stepping away, he shook his head. “I can’t. I’m sorry.” He headed out the door and my brain couldn’t get itself working until he was gone.
What the ever loving fuck?
~*~*~
I needed to talk to someone about Ryder. Immediately. I half-considered running after him and making him come back, but I needed to figure out how I felt before I asked him what the hell that was.
First of all, I was confused. He said he didn’t want to be friends with me, and then we were friends. Then he kissed me. Friends usually didn’t kiss each other on the mouth in my experience. Unless we were having a friends-with-benefits thing, and he’d just sort of forgotten to inform me that was what we were doing.
My head started spinning and I had to go sit down.
I wanted to call Rory, but then she’d probably want to tell Lucah, and that would cause all hell to break loose. He’d probably see Ryder kissing me as some sort of extreme thing and I didn’t want to make Rory lie anymore.
Ugh, I needed my best friend. Needed to be able to talk to her about my boy problems.
So I texted her anyway.
Can I talk to you about Ryder?
She didn’t answer, and then I heard footsteps in the hallway and a knock at the door.
“I figured I should just come over instead of texting,” she said as she walked in.
“Yeah, good plan.”
“What’s wrong? You look like you just got hit over the head with a blunt object.” I blinked a few times and shook my head. Kissing Ryder was a bit like getting hit over the head, but in the nicest way.
My skin was buzzing from the connection to his, and I could still smell him in the air.
“Well, um, I’m not sure how to say this, but Ryder kissed me. Just knocked on my door, acted all weird, and then kissed me.” I pressed my hands to my lips.
“Oh. Wow. When did this happen?” She looked around as if Ryder was going to jump out at her from behind the furniture.
“Just a few minutes ago. He left. I probably should have chased after him. I should have gone after him, right?” I headed for the door, only to realize I didn’t have any shoes on.
“Whoa, slow your roll,” Rory said, grabbing my arm. “He’s probably gone already. Let’s sit and talk.” She led me over to the couch and sat me down.
“I have never been this confused by another human being in my life. Just when I think I’ve got him figured out, BAM! He changes lanes and fucks with me.”
Rory gave me a sympathetic look. “Did he say anything?” she asked.
“He said he had to see about something. I asked him what and he just said ‘you.’ I mean, what the actual fuck?” My bewilderment was giving way to anger. Who the hell did he think he was? He couldn’t just kiss me whenever he felt like it.
“Well, call me crazy, but I think he feels the same way about you as you do about him. I mean, I’ve seen the way he looks at you. And I know the way you look at him. Talk about eye fucking.”
“We do not eye fuck, Ror.”
She laughed. “Yes you do, my dear. Deny it if you want, but it’s still happening every time you look at each other. He might have toned down his sexual comments, but he can’t hide the way he feels about you. Just like you can’t hide the way you feel about him. You and Ryder are . . . inevitable.” She made it sound like planetary forces had aligned for Ryder and me to be together. Sure, I did believe that some people seemed like they were meant to be together, but a lot of it seemed like wishful thinking. Or romantic mumbo jumbo. I mean, if my life was all planned out for me, then what was the point if things were somehow going to magically happen anyway?
“You’re nuts. Ryder and I are not inevitable. Having sex with him, maybe. But not the stuff you’re talking about. He’s got a hot bod and makes me laugh. That’s it.” That definitely wasn’t it, but I couldn’t think about the alternative. That I was, in fact, in love with him.
Because I wasn’t. Nope. Not at all. Not even a little bit.
Lies, lies, lies.