“No,” I said too quickly.
“I know you are. I mean, I saw it when he was in the hospital, but I decided not to say anything. It was such a messed up time and it didn’t seem like the right moment to bring it up.” I didn’t like to think about it much.
“I’m not in love with him,” I said, but every word felt hollow. “I’m not in love with him.”
“You know, even if you say it a million times, no one is going to believe you. And I know you don’t believe you.” She crossed her arms and leaned on the back of the couch. I hadn’t prepared for this tonight.
“I’m not in love with him.” I was just going to keep saying it. Because I wasn’t. I was attracted to him. I wanted to bang him. We were also friends. That was it.
“Oh, Sloane.” Rory ignored what I had said and hugged me instead. “You can talk to me about it if you want. You were there for me through everything with Lucah and I want to be there for you.”
I didn’t know what else to do, so I just hugged her back.
“I’m not in love with him,” I said again. I couldn’t stop saying it because I had to believe it. Being in love with Ryder was just not an option right now.
“It’s okay,” Rory said, rubbing my back like I was a child who had scraped their knee. She finally let go.
“I’m going to go see Lucah. Don’t worry, I won’t tell him anything.”
“I’m not in love with him,” I said one last time before she went through the door.
“Shit,” I said to the empty room.
Twelve
I spent the rest of the night, Saturday, and most of Sunday repeating my new mantra. I wasn’t in love with Ryder.
Rory didn’t say a word about it at all, and I was grateful.
“You ready to go?” she said after I let her in on Sunday afternoon. Her parents always ate rather early on Sunday, and Rory always made her family dinners no matter what. Lucah was officially inducted into the Clarke family when he and Rory started getting serious. Her father hadn’t been so happy about it at first, and her mother was still holding out hope Fin and Rory would get together. One of those weird rich people things, where they decided that their kids were destined to be together, whether the kids wanted it or not. Sometimes I was glad I didn’t have to deal with anything like that.
“Yeah,” I said, grabbing my jacket and putting it on over my conservative dress. I never dressed to please people. Except for Rory’s mother.
Lucah had a suit and tie and was looking quite dapper. Unfortunately, he was a constant reminder of Ryder, both in looks and in mannerisms. He’d do something every now and then that would remind me so much of Ryder that my heart hurt.
I wasn’t in love with Ryder.
The drive out to Rory’s parents’ house was short, and we didn’t hit any traffic. Rory was the first one through the door, followed by Lucah. Then I snuck in behind.
“Sloane!” Rory’s mother said, holding her arms out for me.
“Hi, Eva,” I said, giving her a huge hug. I breathed in her perfume and sighed. I’d missed being hugged like this.
“I didn’t know you were coming,” she said, stepping back. “Let me look at you. Oh, you’re just as gorgeous as always.” She hugged me again, and Rory’s father, Walter, came out to greet everyone and take their coats. Unlike a lot of their social set, they didn’t have full-time staff. They cooked their own meals and had a cleaning crew in sporadically, but only because their house was damn huge, and cleaning it would take way too much time.
“Well, I decided I should come more often. I’ve missed you.” She put her arm around me and we walked into the dining room. Walter was busy chatting with Lucah, his almost future son-in-law about something or other. Lucah must have said something funny because Walter’s loud laugh boomed through the house.
The place was huge, but it didn’t feel cold or empty like a museum.
“Sit right by me, dear,” Eva said, patting the place on her right at the head of the table. Walter was at the other end, and Lucah and Rory sat across from me so they could sit next to each other.
“Rory, you should have told me Sloane was coming so I could set another place,” Eva said, motioning for Walter to get another place setting.
“It’s not a big deal, really. I should have called,” I said.
“Nonsense. It’s lovely to have you here, Sloane,” Walter said, planting a kiss on top of my head. He was one of the jolliest humans I’d ever met. Like a real-life Santa. But mess with someone he cared about and he could flip the switch and wish you were never born.
Rory was right, he did look tired. Worn around the edges.