“No, it’s not that.” I couldn’t tell him it was something at work, because then he’d ask, and then I would have to tell him. One of the downsides about working with your significant other. You could never lie about work.
“Then what is it? Come on, talk to me.” He left the stove and came to put his arms around my waist. A tiny voice in my head suggested that I pull him into the bedroom and have my way with him as a way to stop this particular line of questioning, but I ignored the voice. Sex wouldn’t solve this.
“I can’t tell you.” That was the truth.
“Why not?”
“Because it’s about Violet and I don’t want you to think I am being paranoid or jealous.” Love made you tell the truth, even when you didn’t want to.
“What about Violet?” he said as Ryder emerged from his room. Lucah had given him money for clothes, but he seemed to think the more ripped the attire, the better.
“Violet? Are we talking about that girl you dated in high school?” Ryder said, using his towel to scrub his head and dry his hair. Great. Now I had to discuss this with both of them.
“It’s none of your business, Ryder.” Lucah said, shooting a look his way.
“What did I do? I just asked a question. You don’t have to jump up my ass.” He went and tossed the towel in the hamper then came back and sat on the couch.
I couldn’t continue the conversation with Lucah now, so we both just stood there as the eggs started to burn. Lucah had to take his hands away from me to go rescue them and Ryder shot me a look over the edge of the couch.
“You two can still talk with me here. Just pretend I’m part of the couch.”
“Impossible. The couch isn’t full of holes like those jeans,” Lucah said, using his spatula to point at said jeans.
“Haven’t you heard of using your imagination? Mom and Dad taught you better.” At the mention of their parents, Lucah’s face changed, and a chill entered the room. The lighthearted banter was gone, and I felt like an intruder on a private moment.
“How—” Lucah cleared his throat and turned back to the stove. “How many pieces of bacon do you want, Sunshine?”
I spun around to face him, ignoring Ryder just like he wanted.
“Two is fine.”
The rest of the breakfast was quiet, and Lucah was so preoccupied that he didn’t ask me again about the pacing. We headed off to work, Ryder headed to therapy, and Lucah didn’t say another word until it was time to kiss me goodbye.
I could taste how upset he was on his lips, and in the way he pulled back so quickly. I wanted to grab him and pull his body against mine and kiss away his pain, but I couldn’t. This was something that couldn’t be fixed with a kiss. Not with a thousand kisses.
“I love you,” I said, and he said it back, but the pain was in his words, the pain was between us. So many things seemed to be getting between us lately. But I trusted him, trusted us. Trusted what we had.
~*~*~
I was distracted by thoughts of Lucah the entire day, and it was hard to focus on work when all I wanted was to talk to him and hopefully bring him back from where he’d gone. When I’d first met him, he’d often go to that place, but those times had gotten fewer and farther between. Until Ryder. His brother was a constant reminder of losing his parents.
I didn’t think of that when he moved in, but I bet Lucah did.
“You looked like you needed another cup,” Lilia said that afternoon when she brought me my third cup of coffee. I was trying to cut back on caffeine, because I figured it contributed to some of my anxiety and control freakishness. Cutting back was not going well.
“Thanks.”
“Rough day?”
“Something like that. But we just had a therapy session yesterday, so I’m not going to bug you again. I’ve got this.”
She shrugged one shoulder.
“You can if you need to. I’m here. Just over there. Write me a note and make a paper airplane or something.” Paper airplanes made me think of Lucah.
Lucah, Lucah, Lucah.
“Thanks, I’ll consider it.” She went back to her desk and I sunk further into my distraction.