I let her walk away. The one woman who moved me like I’d never been moved.
My ladybug.
Shaking my head, I turned and stared out the window.
My ladybug.
Was Kilyn my true love and not Savannah? I loved Savannah so much. Or did I love the idea of Savannah? Closing my eyes, I was taken back to the night I told my parents I asked Savannah to marry me. It was my father and I alone on the back porch.
“Do you love this girl, Athanasios, or is it a first love crush?”
Staring at my father, I was dumbfounded. “Not you too, Dad. You’re starting to sound like, Mom. Yes, I love her and no, it’s not because she was my first love. I want to be with her.”
He lifted his left eyebrow and gave me that knowing look. The one that said he knew more than me. “You sure you’re not hell bent on being with her because your mother is against it?”
My heart skipped a beat. I had never lied to my father and I wasn’t about to start. Swallowing hard, I forced a smile. “That may have been the reason I first started dating Savannah.”
“Really? The foundation of your relationship was started on deceit.”
“That’s not the reason now. I fell in love with her and I want to be with her.”
Walking up to me, my father placed his hand on my chest. “In here, Athanasios, that is where true love starts. It starts with your breath catching the first time she smiles at you. Your chest will tighten and then warm with the sound of her voice from across the room. The desire to be near her will overwhelm you. Your heart will actually feel as if it has been torn in two when she sheds a tear. That, my son, is love. True love.”
Opening my eyes, it hit me like a brick wall. I loved Savannah with all my heart. I knew that without a doubt. But none of those things ever happened when we first met. I thought she was beautiful, she gave me her undivided attention and knowing she wasn’t Greek gave me a rush. Every time we were together it was a damn fucking rush.
With Kilyn, her not being Greek never even entered my mind. I was drawn to her immediately. Her smile made my breath catch in my throat every damn time. Her laughter gave me hope; my desire to be near her was constant. When we made love at the cabin it felt as if we were one. It was the most amazing moment in my life. Talking to her in Greek, calling her ladybug . . . I never did any of that with Savannah. The first time I made love with Savannah we were both drunk and it was prom night. I didn’t even really remember it.
The guilt swept over my body instantly as I turned and made my way out of the building. My head throbbed as I fought to understand what in the hell was happening to me.
I headed to the only person I knew to go to.
Savannah.
Staring down at the gravestone, I slowly sank down to my knees.
“Savannah, I loved you. I swear, I loved you with my whole heart.”
Scrubbing my hands down my face, I let out a frustrated groan.
“I don’t know what’s happening to me. My world was destroyed when you left me, but now . . . now I feel like I’m finally coming back to life and it’s all because of Kilyn. I feel so guilty because I feel things so differently with her than I did with you, and I don’t know what to do with that. Why did you leave me? Why?”
Falling back onto my ass, I rested my arms over my knees and stared at her name. Savannah Lynn Thompson.
Looking away, I stared at a bird that was sitting in a tree. The snow from the storm was already gone and the weather was back to the low sixties. It was a beautiful day.
“It’s beautiful out today. You would have loved it.”
The bird flew off and I closed my eyes. “I can’t move on, Savannah. I’ve fallen in love with her, yet I can’t move on.”
“She’d want you to.”
My eyes snapped open and I jumped up to see Savannah’s brother Sam standing there carrying a bouquet of flowers. My heart stopped for a moment. I hadn’t seen him in a few years. I had grown close to Savannah’s family when we dated, but after her death we grew apart. He set them down next to the flowers I had brought.
“Don’t you think four and half years is enough time, Thano?”
With a sigh, I looked down and kicked at a piece of grass. “Everyone keeps telling me to move on, I don’t know if I can.”