ChapterNine
Clarity
The next few days passed fairly quickly, and the snowstorm was finally starting to let up.
The weather was still frigid, and because of that, the snow was turning into ice. The main roads had been cleared for the most part, but it would still be a pain in the ass to make it down the mountain.
But even though Lilly knew she should go back to her own cabin, put her feelings and what she and Riley had said behind her for the time being, she couldn’t stomach the idea of leaving Riley and Tallin.
She’d stayed up during the night, her thoughts bombarding her as she tried to make sense of her feelings. The more she thought about it, the more her embarrassment and shame decreased.
She hadn’t done anything more with Riley, not even talking about their feelings, although she didn’t miss the way he stared at her, the way his whiskey-colored eyes watched her with a hunger that made her heart skip a beat.
Lilly had initially thought it would be slightly uncomfortable, seeing him and knowing what they had shared, but it wasn’t. She actually found herself more at ease.
Riley hadn’t attempted to kiss her again, and she had a feeling he was waiting for her to decide what she truly wanted.
Tallin hadn’t left the cabin either, and she couldn’t help herself and let her mind explore the emotions she felt for him. True, she loved both of them very much, but examining them as a woman would a man, she knew it was so much more than that.
How had she not seen the truth all along? How had she been so blind? She didn’t know if Tallin even felt the same toward her, but how would she ever find out? Wasn’t it taboo to love two men at the same time? To be with two men?
They were her childhood friends, as well, and that seemed like she was doing something totally wrong, wanting something that was off-limits.
As she really thought about it, she realized she didn’t just love them, she was in love with them, but there was the very real possibility she could lose them both if she revealed her desires.
Lilly knew she could never be with them in the way she desired. It was a moot point anyway.
She might want Tallin, but aside from a stolen glance here and there, which she interpreted in her own way, he had never acted as though he were interested in her. Although, neither had Riley until recently.
It had been over a week now that she’d been at the cabin, and the food was starting to dwindle down. The guy were either chopping wood, ensuring there was enough supplies, or trying to work on “real life” things.
They’d have to go to town soon, and she’d have to face the fact she couldn’t stay in this bubble forever.
She’d been able to use the snow as an excuse, but now the storm was lifting and she’d told Riley she didn’t want to outstay her welcome and it was probably time for her to leave.
To say the expression on his face hadn’t affected her would be a lie.
Now that she’d finally opened her eyes and accepted what had been hidden deep inside of her for so long, her feelings for Riley and Tallin were starting to take their toll on her, starting to become stronger.
Even now, she couldn’t help but picture how Tallin had looked when he’d come down after his shower this morning.
He hadn’t bothered with a t-shirt, and when he’d walked into the kitchen earlier, she’d had to force herself not to gawk.
Tallin was a big guy, tall and heavily muscled thanks to his training with the Marines, but it had been years since she’d seen him without a shirt on, and back then, she hadn’t fully appreciated what she saw, hadn’t let her emotions take root in her.
Closing her eyes and breathing out, the image of Tallin kept replaying in her head. His chest, honed to physical perfection, had a dark trail of hair starting below his navel and disappeared beneath his loose jeans.
She got wet now just thinking about it. Fortunately, neither Riley nor Tallin had seen the way she’d been looking at him. If they had she would have been mortified, humiliated beyond belief.
After going to the room and getting ready for bed, she now lay in the center starting at the wall. She’d been like this for hours, tossing and turning, her mind and body refusing to let her sleep.
Riley was getting under her skin, as well. Even now she couldn’t sleep, couldn’t get her mind off of the two men.
Pushing the blankets off of her, she rose and grabbed the robe Riley had given her.
The sun wasn’t even up yet, the shadows washing through the partially opened curtain. She’d walk the house a little, trying to clear her head while everything was quiet and still.
The noise of the clock ticking in the hallway was the only sound she heard, but as she moved down the stairs and into the living room, the sound of rhythmic pounding filled the air.