23
Ness
I kneltat the edge of Connor’s grave while his parents wept. They’d been like a second set of parents to me when I was a kid. Now, they were practically strangers.
They didn’t give me any accusing looks, though. No one put blame on my shoulders save for me.
I’d watched Alvin rip Connor off his arm. I’d watched as Alvin swung Connor into the tree. Ryder’s shoulder hadn’t been enough to block my view, and his body couldn’t block the sound that Connor’s spine had made upon impact.
That was the third death in…how many hours? Less than forty-eight. I knew that much.
I’d been apathetic about my childhood friend, but only to protect myself from the hurt of his betrayal. He’d given in to Alvin’s lies, once upon a time, and handed me over to the horrid man. In one night, Connor had redeemed himself.
I only wished he could have been here with us, still.
I stood and dusted off my knees. The pack graveyard was growing crowded. I rolled my stiff shoulders, uncomfortable with the weight I’d placed on myself.
“This is bullshit,” I grumbled.
It would have been nice if Marcus or Jackson had leapt out of the woods in that moment. Then, I would have had somewhere to channel my frustration. There was no future for anyone until they were all dealt with.
When I looked back at Ryder, hovering close by like he couldn’t bear to let me out of his sight, I tried to fight back the blame that I wanted to place on him, too. He didn’t deserve my anger. I swallowed it down so that it could fester in my gut instead.
Ryder gently touched my shoulder. I let him turn me and pull me into his chest. There, his scent eased the knot tightening my chest. If I let him hold me for long, his kindness would melt the ice in my chest.
Over Ryder’s shoulder, I noticed someone kneeling in front of Catriona’s newly dug grave. Janessa’s shoulders shook violently as she cried into her hands.
Through the crowd, Addie appeared. Her expression was tight. The way she glanced here and there made me think she could see the ghosts of our recently departed. I hoped they weren’t bothering my friend when I was right here. Their deaths were on my shoulders, not hers.
“We need to show you something,” Addie said.
She grabbed my wrist and dragged me along. Ryder grumbled something behind me. When I turned, I caught him looking between me and the pack. I gave him a thumbs up. I would be fine with my friends. He could stay and watch over the pack.
Ryder’s jaw tightened. My heart flipped. He wanted to protect me. I could see the battle he waged against his beast. The dragon wanted to keep me safe, too.
When would we get another chance to be alone? I wanted to feel his lips on mine again. This longing made my skin tight. Every small touch turned into a bonfire that threatened to destroy my cool resolve.
“Get your mind out of the gutter.” Addie tugged my wrist.
I shook my head. “I’m not in the gutter!”
Away from the mourning crowd and the graveyard, Addie gave me a sly smile. Her shoulders had relaxed, and a bit of color had returned to her face.
“Yeah right. I saw the way you were fucking him with your eyes.”
I snorted. “Well, I would fuck him with my body if we could get a chance. Alvin keeps cockblocking me by killing people.”
Both of Addie’s brows rose dramatically.
I cringed. “Yeah, that sounds awful out loud.”
She laughed. “I can’t say I understand, but I’m assuming the mate bond makes everything a little more…intense.”
“I wouldn’t know! I can’t get a moment alone with him to find out.” I threw my hands in the air.
“Ness, that’s not what I meant. I was talking about the desire. I don’t need to know if the orgasms are better. It’s bad enough that I can’t make love with anyone without their dead grandma looking down her nose at me. I don’t need to know that shifters also get better climaxes.”
“Oh,” I said rather stupidly.