Shock left me cold. I stared, mouth agape, at Jackson’s backside as he ran away.
Wings burst from Ryder’s back. They snapped open right before he threw himself forward. My hair shuddered in his wake. I had to pull ringlets from my open mouth. That ought to teach me to leave my lips parted like that.
Ryder slammed into Jackson’s back and sent the wolf shifter stumbling forward. Before Jackson could even hit the ground, Ryder scooped him up and tossed him over his shoulder like a sack of rice.
I swallowed hard. Once again, it seemed like my command broke almost immediately. Usually, my command stuck fast. When I’d used it on Ryder to stop him from hurting Harvey one time, he’d been unable to touch Harvey for days. How could Jackson, of all people, break through my command in a matter of minutes?
Ryder’s jaw was tight when he passed me. It loosened only when he cast a weary glance in my direction. I started to apologize, but caught myself.
Instead of saying anything, I followed in Ryder’s footsteps. I wish I could find the defiant confidence I’d felt earlier when I stepped up to stand beside Ryder. The moment my friends had cried out in pain, I’d lost it all. My confidence had wavered.
I blamed myself all over again.
I knew that Alvin was to blame for all this. He’d been the one to turn against his pack. He’d killed human women and taught others that the strong deserved to hurt the weak.
But I’d been at the heart of this for so long. My actions had been the cause of so many events that I couldn’t always separate myself from Alvin. Would he haunt me for the rest of my life? Would I compare myself to him at every turn?
I didn’t think that I deserved to treat myself that way, but that did little to stop the thoughts. Instead of dwelling on it, I rolled my shoulders back and went inside. In the kitchen, I swiped a sandwich from the counter and nibbled on it on my way down to the basement.
I had to be strong for my pack. They needed that. For now, I would keep my eyes on the goal. My doubts could be saved for later, after we’d won.
Ryder had Jackson hog-tied. It would have been a funny sight were the situation any different. The fact that Jackson was our prisoner because he’d attacked my packmates kind of ruined it.
Leaning away from him, I crossed my arms over my chest. Ryder moved to place himself between Jackson and me. I watched the dragon shifter and wondered why he felt the need to protect me. Did he care about me the way I cared about him?
That was impossible. My hound had claimed him like a mate, but I knew Ryder had already found his mate. Even if he and Bri were upset with each other, that would never break their mate bond.
Ryder would never love me the way I’d grown to love him.
The thought gutted me. My breath rushed out of me. When Ryder glanced back at me, I gave him a tight, reassuring smile. I could hide my reaction behind stress right now. Considering the position we were in, it wasn’t that difficult.
“Did Alvin order you to attack?” Ryder asked Jackson.
Jackson’s answer was to spit on the floor at Ryder’s feet. I gave an appreciative nod because Jackson could have easily spitonRyder, but he chose not to. Maybe Jackson was saving that for the future. He would work up to it, because that was all he could do right now.
Ryder knelt and grabbed Jackson by the hair so he could jerk the wolf shifter’s head back. “I asked you a question. You should answer it.”
I held out a hand. “Calm down. You’re in spitting range now.”
Before I could even finish the sentence, Jackson spat in Ryder’s face. Ryder blinked, a look of long suffering suddenly weighing down his features. I sighed, hating the fact that Jackson had proved me right.
Ryder wiped the spittle off his face and snarled at Jackson. I noticed the tremble in Ryder’s arm, like he was fighting the urge to slam Jackson’s face into the concrete below. I needed to step in before this got bloody.
Did I really want to, though? The image of my father’s blood spraying through the air had been seared into my mind. Every time I looked at Jackson, I remembered that scene and how the life had drained out of me. Death had been close by, and I’d thought for sure that it would take my father before I had a chance to fix my relationship with him.
Jackson came close to taking my father from me. What did it matter if I let Ryder rough him up a bit?
If I let my taste for revenge overtake me, then I wouldn’t be any better than Marcus and Jackson. I had to be better, if not for myself, then for my pack. We all deserved better. There was a moral high ground here, and I needed to stay on it.
Once again, I reached for my arcana and dragged it through the wall of ice inside me. My breath shuddered as I struggled. It seemed to take forever. What might have been seconds felt more like hours while I pulled and pulled. Finally, my arcana reached my tongue. It felt feeble, like I’d lost much of it in the process.
“Answer Ryder’s questions,” I commanded.
Jackson visibly flinched, cringing away from me.
With the command given, I let go of my arcana and recoiled when it sling-shotted back into the pit of my gut. I didn’t need to rely on anger or righteousness to pull on it anymore, but it seemed just as difficult to manage lately.
Was that how Jackson had been able to defy my command earlier? He should have stayed on the lawn. Instead, I’d watched him get to his feet and run away. How long did we have before this command wore off? I hoped we could get at least a few answers out of him.