My friends struggled with their own arcana. Vi had demon blood, and while it gave her power over fire, she struggled with the manic potential for destruction lurking deep within her. I’d watched Addie’s arcana act of its own accord before. That had been one of the most frightening experiences of my life, and I’d already witnessed a lot of horrors.
We were all strange and suffering at the hands of our own arcana.
All save for Cerri.
I scanned the pack for my friend’s familiar blond curls. It’d been a while since I’d seen her. I was afraid that she still blamed me for what had happened. Alvin had known that he couldn’t punish me anymore, not in any way that would make me truly regret what I’d done. Instead, he’d taken my best friend.
Alvin had hurt Cerri. When I’d found her, she’d barely looked at me. Not a word had fallen from her lips. I wanted to apologize again, but that wouldn’t erase the hurt she’d endured on my behalf. I wouldn’t blame her if she felt betrayed.
Would I be able to fix what Alvin had broken, though? Not just my friendship with Cerri, but the pack? They were still scared. Nester’s attitude proved that. I doubted he wanted to step up and lead the pack himself. Nester accused Ryder of causing trouble because we were all tired and hanging on by a thread.
We couldn’t endure this much longer.
I found Cerri at the edge of the group. Dad stood beside her. He kept her in his peripheral vision as if she might fall apart at any moment. Cerri wasn’t so fragile, though. She had her hair neatly tied back with a scarf. Her shoulders were perfectly squared. Maybe it was all a façade, but she’d still put in the effort to uphold it, nonetheless.
Cerri would survive. In time, her bruises and scrapes would heal. The wounds in her mind would fade, and she would lift her chin in defiance of what had happened.
At least, that was what I hoped. I knew firsthand that it wasn’t as easy as it seemed. I could still smell Harvey’s charred corpse. The smell of burnt hair would never leave my nose. Somedays, I could still feel teeth in my calves, wolves trying to pull me away from safety as I tried to climb onto the back of Vi’s Jeep.
I ran my hands over my face. The past few weeks had taken a toll on me. Just as Nester had said, there’d been chaos since Ryder arrived.
It wasn’t his fault, though.
And it wasn’t mine, either.
The only one we could blame was Alvin. Our tyrant of an Alpha had lost his mind. He could barely hold himself together anymore, and he was taking it out on us. It was a bit presumptuous of the pack to blame Ryder for all this.
The pack had been here all along. They’d had a front-row seat to Alvin’s atrocities.
Ryder cleared his throat and raised his voice. “Listen, I won’t stay if you don’t want me.”
My heart flipped inside my chest. I tightened my fists as my breath shuddered out of me. I wanted to beg him to stay, but I kept my lips sealed shut. I wouldn’t embarrass myself, and I certainly wouldn’t let my command arcana accidentally escape.
“But I’m going to stick around long enough to help you break free from Alvin. I didn’t come here to cause harm. I never meant to get sucked into any of this, but now that I’m here, I’m going to help you all.” Ryder took in the pack.
His eyes met mine and stayed there for several heartbeats. There was a promise in his eyes that I couldn’t trust. I wanted to believe that he would stay, but so long as he had a mate, his priorities would always be elsewhere. I would never have the kind of hold over his heart that he had over mine.
Ryder
This damn packwanted to be defiant to the very end. I wished they had this kind of energy when Alvin stood in front of them, but I understood why they didn’t speak up to him the way they did to me.
The elder shifter glared at me. He kept his arms over his chest and a scowl permanently fixed on his face. Both Ness and Cerri glared at him, but he didn’t notice their ire. Their anger made me laugh. Not because the situation was particularly humorous, but out of relief.
They would be on my side, no matter what. Cerri lifted her gaze to meet mine and gave a curt nod. When she looked to her pack again, I could see the accusation in her eyes. I had a feeling that she blamed the pack for her injuries. There was still a dark circle around her left eye and a thick pink line on her throat from where Alvin had cut her.
Behind her, far away from the pack, Ness watched her friend. Cerri kept looking around, as if in search of Ness, but Ness had hidden herself away so that only I could see her.
This pack was a damn mess. There was too much to fix, too many broken bonds that I couldn’t repair on my own. I didn’t know if I had it in me to help them. Though I wanted to stay and take claim over this territory, doubt crept in and told me that I wasn’t enough for this broken pack.
They needed someone stronger with gentler hands. I was a killer, someone with strength and a sense of practicality that helped me do what was needed. I didn’t have the emotional touch that would help pull them back together.
I had the idea to bring in others, shifters that I could trust. I’d wanted to ask Bri to stay and become one of those shifters, but she’d become the leader of my old clan. Who else could I ask?
Connor stepped up beside me and gave the pack a challenging look. I sighed. He wasn’t enough. I could never trust him after what he’d done to Ness. Connor had believed Alvin’s lies. Anyone who could trust Alvin like that would never hold a position of power. I would protect Connor, as was my duty as their Alpha, but I couldn’t trust him to have my back.
I wasn’t going to ask Ness to protect me, either. Though I needed a strong group to keep the pack safe, I wasn’t going to ask her to fight. She’d already endured enough. Besides, I did not want to see my mate in danger’s way.
Once again, I found myself looking to her. She wouldn’t meet my gaze, though.