15
Ness
Ryderand I had been sitting on the living room floor for hours, the morning slipping away while I struggled with my arcana. Frustrated, I shot to my feet and began to pace. I ran my hand over my curls and stared up at the ceiling. Anything to avoid looking at Ryder. I could feel him staring daggers at me, though.
“Give me a minute,” I snapped.
My tongue hurt. My stomach was a churning mess that made me grateful I’d skipped breakfast again. The desire for an iced mocha made my mouth water.
We’d been trying to work on my arcana all morning, though with no success. Every time I thought I had a hold of it, I would bring it to my tongue where it burned. Each time, I flinched and let go of the arcana. The burning sensation stayed and slowly faded, making me reluctant to try again.
I didn’t know what I was doing wrong. This wasmypower. I should have been able to use it, but it seemed to be fighting me, and I could not figure outwhy.
“Sit back down,” Ryder growled.
I spun on him, pointing a finger in his direction. “You don’t get to tell me what to do. That’s my job right now.”
The corner of his mouth lifted, but he fought back the oncoming smile so he could keep glaring at me. “You’ll never get the hang of this if you don’t sit down.”
“At this point, it feels pointless. I can’t control it. I shouldn’t rely on this arcana for anything. There are other things I should be doing. Maybe I can go out and find another body. If I find it and call the cops right away, then there’s a chance I can expose Alvin.”
Ryder pursed his lips and watched me for a long moment. I fidgeted under his stare, even if I doubted he was paying much attention to me. It seemed like he was thinking.
“Your arcana will be what saves you here,” Ryder said, finally. “You’ll never be stronger than an Alpha wolf. Your hound just doesn’t have that kind of power on its own.”
She growled at Ryder. My hound wanted to prove him wrong, but I had a feeling that he was right. I’d been lucky so far. I should never have survived these fights.
“So long as you have that command at your disposal, then you’ll be able to keep anyone from hurting you. I need to know that you can do this before I leave.”
There he went again. Ryder couldn’t help but remind me that he wanted to leave. Last night, while in his arms, I let myself believe that we could have had a different kind of future. The way he’d swept me off my feet and held me, I’d hoped that we could have the kind of love my hound desperately wanted.
But no, Ryder would not stay. He would break this pact with Beryl and then be on his way. He had nowhere else to go. Here, he could find a new home with people who could accept his past. If only he would give us a chance, then he could start over again.
But he wouldn’t. Ryder didn’t want anything to do with me or Lakesedge once he broke the pact with Beryl. It stung, more than I wanted to admit. Fury roiled inside of me and raised the presence of my arcana again. The smoke-like magic curled as it snaked its way toward my tongue.
A hundred angry statements rushed to the front of my mind, but I bit them back. He didn’t deserve to know how angry I was. He didn’t deserve any of my emotions. Someone who cared about me would stay and help.
My arcana slid along my tongue like water instead of fire. It coaxed me into speaking. A single question found its way to my mouth.
“How do you feel about me?”
There, I felt it. The arcana made my voice hum. The magic rode along my anger and frustration. It found its way into the world through my defiance.
I watched the command hit Ryder. He flinched and tensed. His jaw flexed, the muscles working as he fought the urge to respond. I didn’t know if it would make him answer a question, but it seemed that he felt compelled to do so.
“Ness,” he bit out between clenched teeth.
I put my hands on my hips and stared him down. Eyes ablaze, he glared at me. He didn’t move from where he was sitting, so I got down on my hands and knees and crawled closer so I could stare him down, too.
As I got closer, his nostrils flared. I lowered my head and narrowed my eyes at him. He was close enough that I could feel the heat radiating off him. An electrical pulse in the air made the hair on my arms stand on end.
My arcana still sat on the tip of my tongue. “Tell me the truth.”
Ryder closed his eyes and groaned. The strangled sound made me feel bad, but he’d signed up for this. He’d asked me to practice. For the past few hours, I’d been asking him to hit me or buy me lunch. Neither had worked.
This, though, this was something else. My arcana had taken ahold of my frustration with him. It seemed as though my power fed on wrath, which I wasn’t too proud of. My certainty wavered. This wasn’t right. I shouldn’t have asked him this.
I wanted to know, though. Didn’t I deserve that much? Maybe it should have been obvious from how badly he wanted to leave. Ryder wouldn’t waste his time here if he saw no reason to stay.