My heart hammered nervously. I knew what I had to ask but balked at the idea of finally finding out about myself. What was I afraid of? The truth could have been right in front of me, yet I’d lost my voice.
Catriona turned round and casually leaned against the counter. She cradled her teacup between both hands. The look she gave me was full of impatience and irritation.
I swallowed. It seemed as though no one had the time for me. I didn’t think of myself as a burden, but that was often what it felt like. I knew that my presence could bring Alvin’s wrath down upon someone’s head if they spent too much time around me. Catriona wouldn’t be in much trouble because her position in the pack was above nearly everyone else.
Still, so long as I was an outcast, I would only be a harbinger of trouble for others. No wonder I felt so alone.
I straightened and tried to keep my voice from wavering when I asked, “Where’s the ripped page from the old book?”
Catriona narrowed her eyes. “Missing, you say?” She tilted her head to the side as her eyes grew distant. Her brow furrowed and her lip curled.
“If you know who—”
Catriona shushed me. A low growl hummed in her voice. “I don’t know who would have done such a thing. And before you ask, I don’t know what the passage said. Don’t pester me with questions. I have to change the locks on my doors.”
“Is there anything at all you can tell me about that passage?”
Catriona shot me a sharp look. “Listen here, I was trying to help. I just keep the records; I don’t read them.”
“Nothing? Not why she was here? You can’t even tell me why she was at the church to begin with?” I threw my hands in the air.
Frustration had roused my hound. She paced, a low growl rumbling out of her.
Catriona set down her teacup and brought herself to her full height. Eyes narrowed, she pointed a finger at me. “Don’t give me attitude for trying to help you. I know that your ass is backed into a corner. We’re all doing what we can to help.”
I laughed. I couldn’t help the bitter sound as pain knifed through my chest. “Help? You call this helping? Alvin nearly killed me the other night. He went to my workplace and nearly exposed us to a bunch of humans. No one is helping me. You’re all cowering. I’m left to deal with this on my own.”
I shut my mouth as Catriona’s gaze darkened. Her jaw tightened. Rage washed over her features before disappearing again.
I backed away, afraid that if I stayed, then I would lose control of my mouth again. No matter how many times I told myself that I forgave my pack, the truth would tumble out. Their inability to protect me hurt more than I wanted to admit. I wanted to be strong and independent because that’s what I needed to survive. The truth was, I didn’t have either of those qualities.
I was just a lost dog.
And that truth hurt.
“I heard that boyfriend of yours made a deal with Queen Beryl.”
I froze.
Catriona continued. “He’s a pretty boy. If you make sure that woman doesn’t get her claws too deep into him, you might have what it takes.”
I cocked my head and half turned to peer back at Catriona. “Those words, in that order, don’t make any sense to me.”
Her smile held secrets that I could not yet understand. “Shoo. Take your cloud of destruction elsewhere before an angry mob sets their sights upon me for helping you.”
I gritted my teeth. I could have told her that if the pack would help me, then I wouldn’t have to turn to outsiders and fae queens for help. Instead, I kept my mouth shut and ducked out the door.
The sun shined brightly, as if my world wasn’t coming down around my head. I fought the urge to flip it off and turned toward my car. There were only a few hours of daylight left anyway. Meeting Catriona this late in the day had really messed up my schedule.
Of course, Ryder waited for me. He leaned against the passenger side of the car with his hands casually tucked into his pockets.
When he saw me, he straightened. “How are you feeling today?”
My thigh throbbed in response. Though the wounds from the hunt had finally healed, a phantom pain still lingered. My body refused to let me forget what my pack leader had done to me.
“I didn’t ask you to be my bodyguard,” I said as I looked around.
We were in Lakesedge. Alvin would have eyes everywhere, all trained towards me. I didn’t like the idea of being caught with Ryder again, but I guessed there was no turning back. Alvin already knew which way my allegiance would lean. He’d done his best to push me away, after all.