Well, I wasn’t even sure I could help to begin with. This guy seemed to be under the impression that I had access to some kind of arcana. If I had magic that I could control, then it was a mystery to me.
He’d called me a Barghest. I made a mental note to visit Catriona and see if she had anything more on Barghests in her history books. Maybe that would give me some more insight into what I was capable of. Maybe then, I could actually help Ryder.
Was I actually considering helping him? I mean, if I wanted him to help me, then I would have to fulfil his request first.
I didn’t like how tangled my mind had become. I felt like a dog chasing its own tail. Swallowing, I shoved all the thoughts back down.
“Look,” Ryder said. “The witch didn’t give me details. She read my palm and told me to look for you. So, are you going to help me or not?”
I jumped out of my seat and stepped onto the coffee table before I could stop myself. On the table, I stood a little taller than Ryder. I looked down at him and felt our frustration pump more static into the air.
His chest heaved. His nose wrinkled with the ghost of a snarl that he likely fought back. I desperately wanted to slap him upside the head. He wasn’t giving me anything. He kept demanding help without telling me what would actually help. He reminded me of a dog who wanted to play without letting go of their favorite toy, but much more volatile. Where did he get off making demands?
A figurative bulb went off over my head. The idea flared bright and pulled my spine straight so I could peer down at Ryder with a smug smile. If he wanted my assistance, then I could use this leverage to my advantage.
“Fine,” I said. “I’ll help you, but you have to tell me what my aid is worth to you. What are you willing to do for me?”
One eye twitched as he glared up at me. His lips parted. I expected him to push back, but that wasn’t what happened. Instead, his shoulders fell. He let out a ragged sigh.
When he turned his pale gaze upward, my breath stilled.
“I’d do anything.”
I had Ryder right where I wanted him, but this seemed wrong. His pain wasn’t something for me to exploit. I shouldn’t have asked this. If I used his desperation against him, then I was the villain.
But I needed help. No one here wanted to come to my aid. Connor had shown some interest in extending kindness my way, but that wasn’t enough to save me from what I had to endure. Connor’s gifts wouldn’t save me or the pack.
Ryder had the strength to do what needed to be done.
I had to give him what he needed, then. One way or another, I would figure out how to help him. I would get to the bottom of what I was and find my arcana, so I could pay him back for what I was about to ask. That was the only way I could rationalize what I needed from him.
If I didn’t, then I was no better than Alvin. I didn’t want to be cruel and uncaring. That wasn’t the person I was meant to be. Nothing Alvin had done to me was enough to warp me into a villain. Nothing.
“I need you to kill my Alpha.”
Ryder
“Excuse me?”I roared.
Her curls fluttered as she cringed away from me. She didn’t back down, though. The Barghest woman stayed standing on the coffee table where she could look down at me.
I clenched my fists at my sides, not out of anger, but to hide blood that was no longer on my hands. I’d washed them clean. No one could see the evidence of my past transgressions. The scars over my shoulders were the only reminders of what I’d done, and no one would look at them and know exactly what had happened.
Her lips parted, her jaw trembling all the while. She wouldn’t look directly at me. Instead, she fixed her gaze on my chest while she shook.
We stood there, at an impasse. Though she had asked something terrible of me, I could see the reason why in her reaction. I remembered the shifters at the mall and the way they’d hounded her. Her misery had been written all over her face, but beyond that I’d caught a glimpse of her fear.
That was what had drawn me to her. She’d given me nothing but grief since then, but if I was in that position again, I’d do it all the same. I loathed the look of terror on her. She wore her attitude like a shield and pushed all others away with it.
I did not want to get past her shield, but I did want to help her. If I could give her a better life in exchange for her assistance, then who was I to deny her? It’s not like I hadn’t soiled my hands before. My soul would never recover from my sins.
“If you don’t want my help, then…” Her voice trailed off.
“Hold on,” I growled. I snatched her wrist before she could leap off the table and make a break for it.
I knew I’d made a mistake when she flinched. Cursing to myself, I quickly released her and folded my arms over my chest.
She scooted back, off the table. Her lips twisted into a sneer that wasn’t aimed at me. I wondered if she hated herself for her reaction. Why couldn’t I do anything right? This was my fault. Not hers.