I should have known. The smell of woodsmoke drifted behind us while we walked deeper into my uncle’s property. The trail was muddy, just as he’d warned, but Addie had sure steps. She was more at home out here than she’d been in her own house.
Once we were away from the house and the shack, I said, “Ness will understand. She’ll grieve for a while, then she’ll come to terms with the fact that you’re still here and how that’s far better than the alternative.”
Addie wrinkled her nose, clearly frustrated with herself. “I could have stopped Alvin without killing myself.”
“You did what you could in the moment.” I shrugged. “It’s the best any of us can do. We don’t always have the clearest thoughts in the heat of it. I’ve been in a lot of situations that could have ended better, but I did what I could to reach the best outcome available to me.”
There were times that I’d nearly died, too. Though, my situations had involved runaway drivers or angry boyfriends with short-dick energy—as the latest generation might say. That didn’t make my life any less on the line. I’d walked away with stab wounds, broken bones, and guilt that I hadn’t done better.
“I want to give up so badly,” Addie confessed.
My beast snarled in response. It wasted no time in disagreeing with her. The thought of a world without her in it angered the wolf lurking in my core.
The world would be safer without her, but it would also be darker. She had time to figure out how to use her abilities. If she wasn’t being hunted all the damn time, then she might have this figured out already. The stress of her current situation had worn away at her.
I wished I could pluck her out of this mess and whisk her away to somewhere she would be safe. I couldn’t leave, though. There was still a killer hunting those like her. If I took Addie and hid her away, then I wouldn’t be able to hunt this guy down. Others would get hurt.
For a moment, I thought my wolf would disagree. It loved Addie and the cool touch of death constantly swirling around her. I fed on that power. It gave me strength. My wolf had become addicted to it, and her.
However, the beast wanted justice, too. It wasn’t so different from me, after all.
I lifted my chin. “I see one of my uncle’s tree-stands up ahead. We can sit in it while we eat. No one will know where we are. We’ll be safe for a little while.”
I thought that climbing the ladder with food in our hands would be difficult, but an idea came to me. I didn’t know how well it would work when I braced myself to jump. My leap wasn’t graceful because I put too much into it, but I caught myself against the tree that held the stand. The bag of smoked meats swayed precariously, chicken juices threatening to spill over and make a mess.
“Show off,” Addie said from below as she started climbing.
I set the bag down and reached for her arm. She let out a yelp when I pulled her up as if she were made of paper. Though this was all new to me, I had to say I wasn’t mad. This extra strength and speed would be helpful in the long run. And the healing would be nice, now that I thought about it.
If only I’d been changed into a normal wolf, not one that fed off death. There was a part of me that hungered like a zombie. I’d come out here for food, but I knew that this meat wouldn’t satisfy that hollowness.
The only way to fill the emptiness would be to ask Addie for a taste of her power. Now wasn’t the time, though. She was struggling with her…what did she call it? Arcana. The guilt surrounding her power would make for an awkward moment when I finally confessed that I needed it.
Deep down, I knew that she would think that I was protecting her to keep my food source intact. She wouldn’t believe me if I told her that I truly valued her as a person and a friend.
Addie hated herself.
I knew that feeling well, but she didn’t deserve that kind of anger.
I ripped open the thin plastic bag around the ribs. It was the same kind of bag that one might find in the grocery produce section. It tore easily and released the smell of fatty meat and paprika.
Breathing in the steam, I said, “I wonder if I can figure out my uncle’s secret rub recipe now that I have a shifter’s nose.”
Addie laughed, almost spitting out her pie.
I offered her one of the ribs as an apology. She set aside her pie and accepted the rib with cautious fingers. As she took it, she transferred it from hand to hand, licking her fingers each time.
“It’s going to be messy. You’re just going to have to accept that.” I laughed.
She grumbled until she bit into the meat. Juices ran down her chin. Without thinking, I wiped them away with my thumb. It wasn’t until I licked the juices from my thumb that I realized what I’d done.
If Addie noticed, she said nothing. She devoured the rib while I turned back to my meal. Though the smoked meats were delicious, I suddenly wanted something else.
I couldn’t do that. She was still a victim in a crime, part of a case I was actively working. I couldn’t forget that this was all work.
That also meant we couldn’t stay here for much longer. If the killer tracked us to here, I would never forgive myself. It was one thing for me to get caught in the middle of this supernatural battle. That was all a part of my job, and I accepted that there would be sacrifices a long time ago.
However, my family couldn’t get dragged into this. I wouldn’t allow it.