ELLA
The morning after what seems like war feels nothing like victory. Even if you’ve won. It’s as if I’m terrified to drop my guard, ready for the next hit. Taking into account everything that’s happened over the last three years up until just yesterday, it’s all felt like fate’s been toying with me, but also like dominoes toppling. One after the other, each one poised to fall, starting on that day I watched James step onto the crosswalk.
And now I wait on edge for the next piece of the game to forsake me.
Pushing my hair still damp from the shower away from my face, I try to tell myself it can get better. It doesn’t have to be like this. A constant spiral downward.
Although sleep didn’t come easy, the anxious ball in the pit of my stomach has left. Even after I took the sleeping pills Aiden had prescribed, it still took another hour or so before I had a dreamless rest.
Damon’s towering figure steals my attention from the steam of the teacup. It billows out as I blow gently across it, both of my hands wrapped around the porcelain vessel.
“Did you sleep well?”
Giving his suit a once-over, I make a mental note that he’s back to business attire. Ever so serious. Damon was the one I was certain would speak up for me. Instead he said himself, he tried to stop Zander.
The cup clinks softly when I set it down on the counter as I answer, “Once I got to sleep, it was a deep sleep.” I can’t look at him, but at least I’ve given him the truth.
My father told me once, when I was much younger, that if I didn’t want to fight, if I didn’t want to feel the blows of incoming war, that I had to stop. I couldn’t keep my hands up, prepared for battle, and expect the other side not to react. It’s one of the hardest things I ever had to learn: to stop fighting. Although Damon told me it’s called decompressing.
Apparently I don’t decompress well.
Damon pulls out the stool beside me and the legs of it groan against the floor.
Gently, I push a tray of danishes his way.
“Kamden?” Damon questions and I nod.
“I’m not sure where he is, I’ve only just come down,” I explain to Damon, “but they were waiting for us.”
I’ve already eaten two of the small cream cheese danishes. Damon opts for a raspberry one, taking a piece off with his left hand, holding the rest of it in his right. Before popping the small morsel into his mouth, he asks, “Did you talk to him?”
I turn on the stool to face him and lean my elbow against the counter. Half of me feels nothing but comradery with Damon, and the other half doesn’t trust him anymore. I’d like to speak, but instead I shake my head and focus back on my tea.
It’s the perfect temperature and has steeped just right.
“Is it all right if I ask if you’re angry with him?”
“Yes,” I answer quickly, the word raw. Then I realize that only answers whether or not it’s all right if he asks me. “I’m very upset.”
“Angry and upset?”
It takes me a minute, staring down at my tea before I answer, “Just upset.”
Damon nods and I glance over to find he hasn’t eaten any more of the small pastry.
I offer him an out. “This can wait, you know? Quiet mornings are one of my favorite things in life.”
Instead of nodding and backing off, Damon asks, nearly blurting it out, “Are you upset with me?” His deep brown eyes sink into mine and I’m forced to stare back at him.
I nod and then whisper, “Yes. Honestly, I am.”
“I am sorry yesterday caused you distress. I’m sorry it all happened the way it did.” His words seem sincere but also professional. As if reading my mind he adds, “I mean it, Ella. When they told me what happened, I was worried about how it would all play out, but mostly worried about you.”
Finally breaking his gaze I murmur, “I appreciate that,” and return to a now empty tea cup.
It’s a bit awkward for a moment, until I pull an open package toward me and inform Damon, “This was waiting for me too.”
I take out a chunk of gray crystal. The dark and light grays mingle with a touch of white.