I continue with the scene, I continue my role as her Dom even as the emotions sweep through me. “If they ask you why you hurt yourself, what will you answer?”
“No.” Her answer is hard. She struggles to keep my gaze, her head held high in defiance. “I don’t want to do this.”
What she hasn’t done, though, is use her safe word.
“You know what to do if you want to stop something. If you want a scene to end without punishment. You know exactly what to do. So are you telling me no?” I gentle my voice to add, “Or are you saying something else?” She has yet to use her safe word. I imagine the first time will be the hardest for her. This moment, though, this scene, will hopefully not be what does her in, but given her state, I need to remind her that it is available. She has yet to discuss it with me, and it could very well be a boundary and a hard limit for her.
She holds my gaze, the cords in her throat tightening as she whispers, “No.”
Good girl.
It does something to me, that “no.” That open disobedience. I don’t let it show on my face, or in my posture. Her choice tells me how much she wants to heal. That is my good fucking girl. Even if she’s going to be punished, I am thrilled with her decision.
“No?”
“I don’t—I don’t want to talk about it.”
The energy in the room feels heightened, almost electric. We’re heading toward a line, together. We’re barreling toward something new, and I can’t breathe for the anticipation of it. I study her. The way she sits, her back straight, her chin lifted. The way her dark eyes never leave mine. Ella knows what she’s doing.
“You need to practice. It can’t be avoided.” It’s true. When she reenters public life, the question will come up. More than likely, given her public profile, she will endure it constantly. She must prepare. I need to know she can handle it. I need to know that it won’t cause her to break down and erase all the progress she’s made. “Are you choosing to disobey me?”
Her chin lifts another fraction of an inch, and then she nods. Definitive. Yes.
“And you’re aware of the consequences for disobeying me.”
Ella clears her throat. “I’d rather be punished.”
I could burst into flame and take this chair with me, and the house, for how much I want her. If I weren’t bound by a contract, I’d blister her ass with my palm and then fuck her over the edge of the sofa. Instead, I don’t make a move. If she’s going to do this, then it will remain her choice all the way to the end. “I won’t allow you to deny me indefinitely, little bird. Do you understand?”
“Yes.”
I shift forward in the chair to give myself the room we’ll need. “Then come put yourself over my lap.” Her breathing quickens, audibly so in the quiet of the room, but Ella gets to her feet right away. There’s the slightest shake to her body as she crosses the room. She’s nervous. Which only makes me harder. My cock twitches with need, begging to satisfy her. Ella hesitates at my knees, and I put a hand on her hip. A professional touch. “Bend.”
She does, arranging herself over my lap. I help her into the position I want for a spanking before bracing my forearm over her lower back. She’s so warm and soft over my thighs. So nervous. So brave. I slip my hand over the back of her thigh, just above her knee, letting my fingers trail there. The goosebumps aren’t my only reward; she shivers and writhes ever so slightly. “You know you can end this,” I murmur into her ear.
Ella shakes her head. “No.” She swallows. “I want this,” she whispers.
I know she does. She’s wanted it for a long time now. Her body is begging for this. To have some sort of closure for a pain she can’t control. “I know, little bird.” I slide my hand up the back of her thigh and under the hem of her robe, and then I flip it up, exposing her ass to the air. She shivers again, and I know it’s not from cold—the fire has made it more than comfortable in here. I test one cheek with a quick slap, then the other, rubbing slow circles over the flesh. Her ass is gorgeous with my marks on them. So easily coloring for me. They’ll be red by the time I’m done and she’ll remember this every time she takes a seat, or even so much as shifts in her seat tomorrow.
Clenching my jaw, I prepare myself. It’s been far too long. “Toes on the carpet,” I direct her. With the adjustment, her ass lifts into my hand. “You’ll keep them there until I’m finished. You can make noise if you need to, but you won’t get up, and you won’t kick your feet. Understood?”
“Yes.”
A breath goes out of her. This is familiar territory. My little bird knows how to do this. I trace my fingertips along her slit.
“Thighs farther apart.”
Ella obeys, and it’s my turn to take a four-count breath. Her submission brings out a carnal need from me, and it’s also more than seductive. She tempts me like no one ever has, and yet I have to be so fucking careful with her.
I position my palm over her ass so she can feel it. “Thirty swats,” I tell her.
“Thirty?” Her whisper betrays her lack of confidence.
Without her able to see me, I don’t hide my smirk. “I told you I wasn’t a soft Dom. I won’t make you count out loud this time, but you should do so in your head.”
I give her a beat to process it, and then I begin, sucking in a breath as I slap my hand down on her heated flesh without holding back. She whimpers through clenched teeth for the first three. The next five, though, her mouth drops open and the whimpers are louder, but still short. On the tenth one, her ass is lovely shade of red. It’s a dizzying color. The color I’ve seen in my dreams and my fantasies.
Squeezing her left cheek, I check on her. Wide eyed, she stares at the floor. Her expression isn’t scrunched; there are no tears. “Look at me,” I command her and she does so. Immediately. Her face is flushed, her chest rising and falling with exhilaration.