What the hell am I going to tell them? Not only must we run from your father, but we can’t call Grandma anymore either.
I turned back to the road, sick with this state of affairs and disgusted with myself. My kids didn’t ask to be born in such a shitty situation. Hadn’t I tried to make it better? Wasn’t I doing the best I could? If both of those things were true, then why did we keep getting knocked down in life?
My eyes watered. I reached up and wiped away a tear, brushing against the bruise on my cheeks. I’d noticed earlier that I had a black eye. Also, my nose and bottom lip was swollen.
Kia whispered from the back, “Mom.”
I cleared my throat. “Yes, baby.”
“I can drive a little and give you a break.”
A weak chuckle came. “Kia, you don’t know how to drive. baby.”
“I know how to back out of the driveway.”
“There’s more to it than that, baby.” I gave her a sad smile. “Get some rest. Everything will be fine.”
Everything will be fine? No, it won’t. I shot him. I stabbed him. When he sees me again, he’ll make me pay for it. He may kill me.
How many times had I been saying that everything would be okay, when I knew it was all a lie? But what else could I tell them? What more should I say? Did they deserve the raw truth? The utter hopeless reality?
Should I have told them that the world was a rugged and jagged place? And that day-to-day we—as humans—all walked around the hard edges, trying not to get cut and bruised. Should I have told them that, most of the time we did get injured? And that no one really cared about our shattered hearts. No one could comprehend our pain.
Mom’s helping him. My friends don’t want any drama their way, so they barely answer my calls. His family doesn’t believe me. . .We’re all alone, kids. Nothing will be okay.
Jalen disrupted my thoughts. “Do you think Daddy is following us?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I keep looking back. His car isn’t there.”
“And besides,” Kia spoke up. “We flattened his tires.”
“That’s right.” I nodded.
We’d punctured the back two with the sharp kitchen knives I kept under my driver’s seat. Hopefully, that would buy us some days, along with him having to go to the hospital to deal with those injuries. Maybe we would have a good week for a head start.
I should’ve killed him, but what would that do? While I can run from him, I can’t run from the police. Who would take care of my kids, if I went to jail? Mom has shown that she’s not to be trusted.
I hoped in the future days to come that not killing Wyatt wouldn’t be my greatest regret. At some point, he would have to give up and let us live our lives.
But will he? Why can’t he just let us go?
I continued to focus on the road.
This storm had been threatening to hit since I was an hour outside of Portland. I had no idea where I was heading, but it had followed us. Staying in Seattle would be too easy of a guess for Wyatt. It would be his first one, in fact. He knew I preferred city life to the countryside.
Wyatt and I had lived in Los Angeles. Then I’d ran three years ago, going north every few months. Each time he found me, I crept further north. He’d found us all throughout California and Oregon.
I’d hoped to go further East today, but the storm was ending those plans.
Where should we go now, God? Can you hear me? Are you leading me or is it the devil?
Minutes later, the snow and wind shifted to more intense. My windshield wipers couldn’t keep the window clear anymore. I was now the only car on the highway. The snow grew heavy. Soon, I would have to find a place for us to stay. I swerved a little as my tires slipped on ice.
Shit! This won’t work. I have to get off the road.
The next exit sign announced a town called Tenino. I’d never heard of the place.
God, help me. Take me somewhere. Please. . .
An ache filled my heart.
The exit appeared.
I slowed the car, took the exit, and kept my eyes on the road.
There has to be a hotel around here that will take cash. Fuck. First I need cash.
Downtown was a ghost town. No one was stupid enough to be out, but us. There was nothing and nobody on the roads here except snow. Snow on the ground. Snow in the night air. Snow every-fucking-where. The world grew slow, silent, and white with snow.
Thank God the SUV was warm, safe, and solid.
A gas station appeared on the right.
I took my time turning us in.