My eyes watered, and I couldn’t comprehend why, just that I didn’t want to leave the shower. For a few quiet minutes, we washed each other, slipping the sudsy cloths along each other’s bodies.
I yearned to know her thoughts.
This moment didn’t have to mean anything.
She could still end it and run away.
What will happen to us? Can I keep her, God? Will you let me, after today?
We finished in the shower. I grabbed a towel for her. Before I could dry her off, she pulled one from the shelf and dried me.
Stunned, I studied her the whole time.
She wiped at the huge tattoo on my chest, sliding the soft material along the binary codes forming a holy cross. “What else?”
Shocked, I stuttered, “H-huh?”
“What else is there, Misha? I want to know.” She raised her view and pierced me with her gaze. “I understand why you wouldn’t tell me about. . .the killings.”
The killings? She couldn’t even say that I was a murderer. Is that good or bad?
“What else?” she whispered.
I dried her off and tried to think of the things that I should tell her. One thought hit my mind. While Jacqueline had given me an out, this was the time to admit it. There could be no more surprises for Ava. If I had even a small inkling to keep her, she would have to know it all.
“Your grandmother. . .”
She quirked her brows. “My grandmother? What about her?”
Goddamn it, Fuego. I wish I could kill you again.
All dried off, I headed out of the bathroom.
She followed. “Misha, what about my grandmother?”
Fuck.
I turned to her. “I asked one of my men to get your grandmother from New York. He didn’t understand the order and so, he was rougher than he needed to be.”
“What? He hurt her?” Without waiting for an answer, she rushed off to the door.
“Wait.” I caught her. “You’re naked.”
She looked around, grabbed a towel, and wrapped it around her.
“Ava, wait.”
“What happened to my grandmother?”
“He sort of kidnapped her.”
She shrieked, “Sort of?”
“He did.” I held my hands out. “But before you run out to talk to her, I was going to tell you. But she said she would keep it a secret.”
“Why would she do that?”
“Because she knew it was all a mistake and she was happy that I brought her, and. . .”
“And?”
“I really don’t know why she forgave me for it.” I ran my fingers through my wet hair. “But the point is she is safe, and she did forgive me. I told her I would spend the rest of my life making it up to her.”
She shook her head. “And she didn’t tell me.”
“Again, I’m sorry, Ava.”
“So she was basically kidnapped two days ago?”
“Yes.”
“And now. . .”
I killed three men. Goddamn it.
“Ava, I swear to you. My week is usually much calmer than this. Most of the time, I’m just sitting in my office and staring at the computer. When I’m not doing that. . .”
. . .I’m stalking you. Maybe, we won’t tell her that part.
As if talking to herself, she looked at the ground and muttered, “What do I?”
I answered for her. “Forgive me.”
She gazed back my way. “And how can you make sure it won’t be too dangerous for me, or even my grandmother or anybody else for that matter?”
I can’t.
“I don’t know what to do.” She inched back. “You saved me today. Maybe, you didn’t have to kill them, but. . .I bet.” She shook her head. “I bet there are some ballerinas tonight that will sleep better because of it. I got the feeling that they’ve done dealings like that before.”
“No one will ever come for them or you again.”
“But then, there’s my grandmother.”
“Who forgave me.”
“But you didn’t tell me.” She widened her eyes. “Neither of you told me. I understand why you didn’t but is that how it will be. I don’t even know you, and I understand why, but I’m so fucking scared.”
“I can’t lose you, Ava.”
Silence bridged between us.
My phone rang.
I ignored it.
The ringing ensued.
Groaning, I went over to it, looked at the screen, spotted Naveen’s number, and cursed. “I have to take this. I’m sorry.”
She nodded, went to her drawer, and pulled it out.
I made sure the towel was around my waist and headed outside the bedroom. The last thing Ava needed to hear was me discussing nuclear weapons. It would probably send her completely off the edge.
I had no time for any pleasantries. “Did you get them?”
“No.”
Rage blazed through me.
Naveen continued, “By the time, the Devil and his men got to the address in Belladonna, the codes had moved again. They questioned the man there, using his cat to get answers. It didn’t work.”
Pain throbbed in my temples. “What do you mean they used his cat?”
“They tortured the cat.”
I did my best to keep my voice down. “What the fuck?”