“Fine,” June says. “But he might think you’re too young for him. Or he might find the Alex thing too awkward. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“Don’t worry,” I say. “I know nothing could ever happen.”
“It could,” June counters. “But that doesn’t necessarily mean it will.”
“I know you don’t want to hurt my feelings, so let me say it for you. He’s one of the hottest men who has ever lived, a millionaire or close, ripped as hell, a successful businessman and boxer. He’d never look at me, never notice me. There it is. The truth.”
My voice is trembling. My hands are shaking. I need to calm the heck down.
“I’m sorry,” I say a moment later. “I didn’t mean to go on a rant. I guess I’m preparing myself for disappointment.”
“I think you’re the prettiest, funniest, kindest person ever, for what it’s worth. You’re not my bestie for nothing. Even if you do say freaking and heck.”
I giggle, thankful for the rescue from my bad mood.
“Other than that,” I say, smiling ironically, “I love being back.”
I don’t tell June about the full extent of my want.
I don’t tell her how I felt a physical tightening inside of me the moment the plane’s wheels touched down on the runway.
I don’t tell her about the never-ending pulsing in my mind, as though guiding me to Ben, to his rippled arms, and the glint of savagery in his expression – like he wants to claim me, to make me his, like the wait has been worth it.
But no. I’m the only one who’s been waiting. He hasn’t thought of me once since I left. I was only a kid.
And now….
My cell phone rings.
“Sorry,” I say, checking it. “It’s Alex.”
June waves a hand. “You better answer. It could be important wedding stuff.”
“Hey, sis,” Alex says when I swipe the answer button.
“Hey,” I reply. “How’s it going?”
“All good. Rushed off our feet. Tiff has only threatened to call the wedding off three times this morning, so that’s a plus.”
We both laugh in a good-natured way, knowing Alex and Tiffany are way too in love for her to want to cancel it. But it’s no secret she’s found the planning stressful, hence the jokes.
“Don’t make any plans for tomorrow evening,” he goes on. “Mom and Dad are inviting a few friends over to the Air BnB for catchup. I thought it would be nice to turn it into a little party. Tiffany needs a break, and, honestly, so do I.”
I swallow, heart pounding, as the question rises on my lips.
Is Ben going to be there?
But I can’t ask it.
Alex would be able to sense the hunger, the misplaced desire. He’d know that a big part of me wants to betray his trust, even if I know it’s wrong, even if I’ve spent years trying to let go of this impossible crush.
Instead, I say, “That sounds great. I’m looking forward to it.”