He rocked back on one foot, his features blanking from one moment to the next. “Is that really what you want? For me to leave right now?”
I opened my mouth to say yes, but couldn’t force the lie out. “Gah!” I cried, grabbing my hair in frustration. “This is ridiculous! I don’t know why we’re fighting right now.”
He moved so fast I didn’t have time to brace. One moment he was standing on the opposite side of the bed and the next he was taking my face in his hands again and leaning down to rest his forehead against mine. “I know this is scary,” he said gently. “But all you have to do is trust me, moonbeam. Just trust me. You do that, you take the leap with me, and I swear to God, I’ll catch you.”
How did he not realize how terrifying what he was asking me to do was? Trusting anyone like that was impossible. The closest I’d ever come was Cheyanne and Monica. I had nothing more to give than that.
“I know you didn’t have the greatest example of what it looked like to be in love or in a healthy relationship, but I can show you.”
His words penetrated the fog clouding my brain. Time seemed to slow as I grabbed hold of his wrists and pulled his hands away before taking a big, careful step back. “What did you just say?”
Confusion marred his brow, deepening those indentions between his eyes. “What?”
“About not having the greatest example.” Cold washed over my whole body. “What would make you say that?”
“I—” He stopped and pulled in a long, steady breath. “I overheard the call you had with your mom a while back.”
“You—” The blood began to rush in my ears so fast I barely heard anything else. It was like a swarm of bees had been let loose in my skull, a constant, nagging sound that drowned everything else out. “You eavesdropped on my phone call?”
“I was worried about you,” he declared. “One minute you were fine, then your phone rang and all the color drained out of your face. I had to make sure you were all right, so I listened in.”
“You had no right!” I boomed, that slow simmer of anger that had been building inside of me finally boiling over. “That was a private conversation and you had no goddamn right listening in like that!”
“Goddamn it, Luna. Stop and look at what you’re doing right now. You aren’t mad I listened in on your call. You’re scared. You’re fucking terrified, and you’re picking a fight so you don’t have to feel that, because you think it would be better to be mad than scared.”
“Don’t act like you know me,” I hissed as goosebumps erupted over my skin, because the truth was, he was right. I was scared out of my fucking mind, and I couldn’t handle it.
His shoulders slumped in defeat. “But I do know you, Luna. Probably better than anyone. And you can’t stand that, because it means I got past those walls.”
His eyes felt like they were burrowing down into my soul as he stared at me. When I didn’t say anything, because all the words had dried up in my mouth, his whole body slumped. He shook his head and the look on his face flayed me open. Like I’d just ripped his heart to pieces.
“I can’t go back to how we were,” he said quietly. “Even if I could, I wouldn’t do it, because it’s not enough. I want all of you.”
My vision blurred as tears welled in my eyes, spilling down onto my cheeks. “What if I can’t do that?” I whispered. “What if what we have right now is all I can give you?”
“I want it all, Luna. I can’t settle. I just can’t.”
I watched in silence, feeling like my heart was being squeezed in a vise as he got dressed. He stopped on his way to the door, taking my chin in his hand and tilting my face up so he could place the softest, most agonizing kiss to my lips. Then he gutted me with his words.
“I’m in love with you. I wish you were brave enough to say the same.”