“You want the truth about my ex?”
I nodded, unable to speak since my mouth had gone dry.
“The truth is, if not for Evan, that relationship wouldn’t have gone much further than it already had. Hell, I was already thinking about ending it. I didn’t want to marry her. I didn’t love her the way a man should love a woman he was going to pledge his life to, but it was the only way I could keep Evan in my life. Amber was always using her daughter as a pawn in our relationship because she knew that. I agreed to marry her because she told me if I wasn’t willing to take the next step, there was no point in us staying together.”
My heart twisted. “And you’d lose Evan.”
“I had no claim over her. I wasn’t even her stepdad. But I don’t regret it. Not for a goddamn second. Amber thought she was clever, playing her games. But I played one of my own. The ink was barely dry on our marriage certificate. She was riding the high of being married to a man who was well off, financially, so I took advantage of the good mood she was in because she thought she’d won, and got her to agree to let me adopt Evan. Being her stepdad wasn’t enough. If we ever divorced, I’d have no rights. But I was going to make damn sure I stayed in that girl’s life. She needed me.”
I frowned, dread sitting like a lead ball in the pit of my stomach. “What do you mean?”
Her let out a weary sigh, drank more beer. “Evan was always more of a game piece than a daughter to Amber. She’d never planned on having kids, wasn’t exactly maternally inclined, but she was careless and became pregnant. She wasn’t sure who the father was, so she was going it alone, doing a job she didn’t want to do in the first damn place. When she wasn’t using Evan as a game piece, she was simply an inconvenience.”
“I don’t know this woman, never met her in my life, and I know I’ve only spent a small amount of time with your daughter, but I kind of want to find this Amber and punch her in the face.”
Nate’s chuckle was a mixture of humor and sadness. “Believe me, I understand how you feel. I lived it for too many years. When I finally couldn’t take it anymore and told her I was leaving, she did everything she could to make my life hell. She dragged the divorce out, fought the custody arrangements, fought for child support. She even tried to keep Evan from me, tried claiming the adoption wasn’t legal. It was pointless in the end, and a waste of money for her. It took a year, but I was finally rid of her and had joint custody of Evan. I thought, that was it. The nightmare was over. Things could finally be good. Then Evan started acting out. She was getting into so much trouble, Amber finally decided she’d had enough. Dealing with her own daughter was too much of an inconvenience, and since she wasn’t really big on those, she all but dropped her on my doorstep, said she couldn’t handle it anymore.”
“Oh God. Poor Evan.”
He nodded sadly. “I told her, if she did this, there was no going back. She had to sign full custody over to me.”
“What did she say to that?”
His laugh was bitter, full of hatred. “She couldn’t sign the new custody agreement fast enough, basically gave up any and all rights to her own damn kid.”
The longer he spoke, the more the puzzle pieces fell into place. One after the other, clicking into their slots until the picture became clear as day. Evan wasn’t acting out just for the hell of it.
“God, Nate. I’m so sorry.”
“Not your fault. You weren’t a terrible mother.”
No, I wasn’t. But like Evan, I knew all too well how it felt to have a shitty mother. And knowing what I knew now only endeared the girl to me that much more. “It sucks that her mom is a bitch, but you have to know, she’s going to be all right.”
He sighed again, and I practically felt the weight of it. “Doesn’t seem that way sometimes.”
“Maybe not, but she will. Trust me. I could see it in her today. This whole thing, the divorce and her mom, made it hard for her to trust that things are going turn out okay. Give her time and she’ll see you’re going to stick. That’s all she needs. And something tells me, she’s already started coming around.”
He studied me intensely, his face so close he was all I could see, those eyes swirling like a turbulent sea on a stormy day. “Fuck,” he breathed, dropping his head and repeating more passionately, “Fuck!”
“What?” I asked in a panic, reaching out to place my hand on top of his. “What’s wrong?”
“I knew it.” He gave his head a defeated shake. “I knew this was going to happen.” When he looked back up, trapping my gaze with his, nearly all the air expelled from my lungs. “I knew once wasn’t going to be enough. Not with you.”
“Nate,” I whispered, trying to stop my head from spinning. “We can’t—”
“Tell me you don’t feel it, Luna. Tell me I’m the only one with this fucking need, and I’ll let it go. I’ll leave it alone and won’t ever mention it again.”
I couldn’t say that because it would have been a bald-faced lie. “It’s not that simple. I want you, I do,” I confessed, sending my heart rate through the roof. “But you’re my boss. And I don’t do relationships.” I could barely hear myself speak, hear myself think, over the blood rushing in my ears. “It’s a disaster waiting to happen.”
“Probably.”
I pulled in a deep breath, shoring up my nerves. “But...” I started, unable to stop myself. “Maybe, if it’s just this one last time.” His eyes lit up like a kid in a candy store. “And there are no strings—” He shot out of his chair, quick as lightning. “Wait, what are you doing?”
“I’m not giving you a chance to change your mind. We’re going. Now. Your place or mine?”
I guess that settled it. “Mine’s closer.”