Chapter 10
Standing along the railing looking down into the meandering river that was only visible because of the accent lights below the deck, Jenna turned to Colt and was surprised to see him studying her rather than enjoying their beautiful surroundings. She was further shocked by the fierce look on his face, like he wanted to consume her.Wow!She started to take an unconscious step back, but his hand on her arm stopped her. “Don’t move. You never step away from any Dom who is speaking to you, or studying you as you know I was, without express permission. Doing so with me or at The Club will most certainly end in punishment. Remember, you are the sister of the owners of The Club”—and will be my submissive, and as such you’ll also be a target—“so there will be Doms and subs alike who will try to trip you up. They’ll relish the idea of showing you how little you know and then will delight in your humiliation at punishment they’ll be justified in seeing meted out. Hell, the Doms will likely feel justified in doing the punishment themselves. Club rules are tricky in this regard, and we’ll only be able to protect you so much. If you interfere in another couple’s scene or are offensive to a Dom or insult his sub, then that Dom would be within his rights to demand your punishment. Most don’t want to personally see to the punishment, but some do. I’m going to try to teach you not only my personal rules, but also The ShadowDance Club rules as we go along this week. Now, I assume you are on some form of birth control?”
It was obvious Jenna had been lost in his words when it took a few seconds to realize he’d ended with a question. “Yes and I have annual physicals, so I know that I am disease free, um, well, I haven’t actually had sex in a long time, but I can provide proof about my health.” Jenna’s voice had gotten so soft, he had barely heard her last sentence, and Colt wondered just how long it had been.
Proceeding in the all-business manner he had adopted, he stated, “I am also clean, I have paperwork for you inside. I trust you about yours, but know you will have to provide copies to The Club before you’ll be allowed to actively participate in any type of play. Now, tell me about your sexual history.”Bingo!Jenna’s eyes went wild, her muscles all seemed to contract at once, and she took two steps away from him before she even realized what she’d done.
“Well…oh my God, I can’t do this, I have to go, I can’t, it wouldn’t be safe, I can’t go on, this is just not going to happen, I’ll just get my things and call my brothers to come and pick me up if you’ll just show me where you put my things. Oh, I’m sorry, but this is just too…No, I just can’t.” Her words were stuttered, and he could see she was starting to panic. She was looking everywhere but at him.Wow, talk about finding a hot button…
“Jenna, stop. Look at me. Now!” When she finally fell silent and looked up at his face, he could see the first tears start to slowly slide down over her cheeks, and he was lost to her in that moment. He’d wanted her for years, but this was a soul-deep yearning to love and protect that he knew he’d always feel toward the woman. He pulled her close and enveloped her in his tight embrace. For long moments he just held her while she sobbed against his chest. He finally leaned down and scooped her up. The he walked to the lounge chair and sat down, pulling a soft blanket from the nearby cabinet and wrapping it around her. Even though he was sure she wasn’t actually chilled, her shaking was starting to concern him. “Jenna, honey, you need to stop before you make yourself sick. I don’t know what about my question triggered this reaction, but as your Dom, this is not something I can let go. We are going to have to talk this out, because anything that affects you either physically or emotionally is of interest and concern to me. I think this is clearly something that is having a profound effect on you in both of those areas. Now, look at me, I want to see those beautiful green eyes while we talk. Come on, princess, that was an order, not a request.”
Slowly Jenna raised her tear-stained face to his, her expression so filled with pain and sadness that just for a second he was speechless.Holy Jesus, what did that bastard do to you? And why are you still afraid of him?Suddenly he knew her brothers hadn’t told her that Scott had not made it out of their last mission alive. Likely they would have believed she would have made friends with and become attached to him while he’d stayed in their family’s home, so they’d probably hoped she wouldn’t ask and she could be spared the pain of knowing they’d lost a teammate and she’d lost a friend. Families of team members were often profoundly affected by the loss of any team member, because they knew it so easily could have been their loved one. Before he could take this burden from her, she was going to have to confirm that Scott was involved. Colt would bet his prized flogger that he’d just figured out a large part of the puzzle that was Jenna Lamont, but he’d have to proceed carefully in order to not cause her any further harm. When Jenna’s teary emerald eyes met his, he gave her a small, encouraging smile and then, leaning forward, whispered softly against her lips, “Good girl.”
* * * *
Those two words worked wonders to calm Jenna. She knew she was going to be up against the wall and that she wasn’t going to be able to avoid explaining her meltdown. She could only hope she could convince Colt to not tell her brothers. Even though they weren’t still actually Special Forces team members, she knew it was likely they still worked with the teams when doing their “contract work,” as she had heard them refer to it, and that would give Ted Scott the access he’d need to destroy her family. Personally, she was hoping they would give up that life entirely now that they were married and soon-to-be fathers.
“Now, pet, I want you to explain to me what just happened here. I think I have a fairly good idea, but I need to hear it from you.” Colt’s voice was compassionate, but she knew it was still an order, not just a suggested topic of conversation.
* * * *
Colt watched Jenna gather herself up as if readying for battle. He could almost hear the wheels turning in her head as she rolled the satin edging of the blanket back and forth as if finding comfort in caressing its slick texture between her small fingers. Colt watched and waited, letting her get herself together. He smiled, thinking he could almost see her pulling her courage up into a protective cloak. After several long minutes, she finally spoke.
“Do you remember when Ted Scott came to recuperate at ShadowDance?” Colt stiffened and Jenna looked up in alarm.
“Sorry, pet, I didn’t mean to scare you. Yes, I remember when that happened. I’m afraid I wasn’t exactly his biggest fan, so I tend to react at the mention of his name. Please continue.” Colt hoped he’d been able to explain away his reaction and that she would continue to tell him a story he was dreading with every fiber of his being.
“Um, yeah, well, that makes two of us…about the not liking him thing. Anyway, when he first arrived, I was really kind of, well, I had a crush on him, I guess you’d say. Well, I, oh God, I really don’t want to go into all the details, okay? But…” Colt watched as Jenna stopped to take several deep breaths before she was able to continue. “One night my mom and dad were going to be gone overnight. They didn’t worry about leaving me alone with Ted because Selita was always at the house. But then Selita was called to town to help a sick friend, and well, he overheard me assuring her that I’d be fine and not to worry. I really didn’t feel threatened by him, we’d sat and watched movies late into the night several times and he had never done any more that kiss me. Construction had started on The Club, and Ted had made some comments about its intended use. I had just blown off answering because I was too embarrassed to talk to him about that stuff, you know? I was so young, and even though now, when I look back, I realize he wasn’t really that much older than I was, he seemed a lot older…and a lot stronger, too.” Jenna had dropped her gaze with that last comment. Truthfully, Colt was grateful because he knew at the mention of Scott being stronger than she was, pure rage had swept through him like a storm surge, and he was certain she would have easily seen it in his face.
“That night, he tried again to get me to talk to him about The Club. That’s when I figured out he must not be that close to my brothers, or he’d already know the answers to the questions he kept asking me. So I was making excuses about why I needed to get back to my room, you know, homework and getting things ready for homecoming, etcetera. I wanted back into my room because I knew the door locked. Now that I think back on how violent he became, I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t have kept him out, but at the time it seemed like my only hope. I was too afraid to call Kat because I knew she would be frustrated with me for being alone with him, because she had taken an instant dislike to him when he’d first arrived.”
After taking a few deep breaths, Jenna continued, “Anyway, I know it seems like I’m stalling, but I just wanted you to know why I didn’t do anything at the time…Anyway long story short…Well, he wanted to have sex with me and when I refused him, he beat me and then raped me. Oh my God, I can’t believe I have actually finally told someone this.” Colt watched her start to hyperventilate, and for just a few seconds he was so stunned by her admission that she had never told another living soul about this that he didn’t move to get her back in hand.
Finally he snapped back to his sense of the moment and began shaking her shoulders until she looked up at him. “Jenna, breathe with me, princess. Nice and slow…in…out…again…in…now, out.” Colt kept her breathing in time with him until he felt the muscles in her arms relax in his hold. “Okay, can you tell me the rest? You have been so very brave, pet. I’m very proud of you.” Colt had never been more sincere in his entire life. He couldn’t imagine the strength it had taken for a young woman to weather that emotional storm alone.
Nodding her head, she spoke quietly, but her words were almost detached, like she was telling this part of the story about someone else, a behavior Colt recognized as a PTSD symptom. Jenna may have believed she’d overcome this violation, but it was clear to Colt she had not. The fact that she was easily sent reeling headlong into the emotional quagmire that victims often struggled to pull themselves out of for years was all the evidence he needed to know she had not even really begun to process this trauma. “After he’d finished with me, he spit in my face and told me that if I ever told anyone what had happened, he would tell everyone I’d come on to him and that he…Oh, God, please, swear to me you will never tell anyone, because he said he’d make sure neither of my brothers made it back alive from their next mission. And I know they aren’t really on the teams anymore, but I know they probably work with those men, and I’d never forgive myself if they got hurt or worse because of me. I mean it, Colt, I just couldn’t stand to live another minute if that happened. Promise me, please, I’m begging you, promise me.”
Jenna was lost in racking sobs again. Colt pulled her to his chest and tried to calm her down, but he was sure she wasn’t even hearing him. He knew if he didn’t pull her back from the emotional ledge, she was ready to fall over, she’d likely need to be hospitalized in order to get the meds it would take to settle her. And he knew that was the last thing she’d want. Standing up and keeping her in his arms, he quickly descended the stairs and walked straight out into the cold river until the water was up to his knees, then he sat down, which put them both chest deep in the frigid water. When Jenna started gasping and struggling to get out of his hold, he just tightened his arms around her. “Jenna, stop moving. I need you to calm down, I want to help you, but you have to be willing to listen. Believe me, I’m anxious to get out of this fucking freezing water, too, but this was the only way I knew to shock you out of that pain-filled memory. Now, look at me, I need to know you are back with me. That’s it, look right at me. Are you going to be able to listen andhearwhat I’m going to tell you?” At her nod, he said, “Ted Scott is dead, he can’t hurt you anymore, and he can’t hurt your brothers either, do you understand? I wish to hell your brothers had told you this when it happened. The bastard died several years ago, and I promise you if he weren’t already dead, I’d kill him now with my bare hands. But he is already gone, sweetness. He can’t hurt you ever again.”
Colt watched Jenna’s eyes go wide then watched as emotion swamped her again, but these were cries of relief, so he slowly got to his feet and made his way back up the stairs. He wrapped them both in the blanket he’d discarded earlier and made his way down the hallway. They were both going to warm up with a nice warm shower, and then after he was sure Jenna was safely tucked in and sleeping in his bed, he had a phone call to make.