Chapter Seventeen
After fillingup on the most delicious Christmas dinner I’ve ever tasted, I decide a nice long shower is in order. Out of the window I can see that daylight is slipping away, even though it’s only three o’clock. Nevertheless, Max and Hudson are keen to get outside and clear some snow, given the storm has lessened somewhat. Even though we aren’t due back to the resort until tomorrow they want to get a head start on digging the car out. Even the thought that this little piece of paradise will be over so soon has my heart sinking a little. I don’t want to go back to the resort, I’d much rather stay here forever with thesemen.
“I reckon we’ve had at least two feet of snowfall, if not more. It looks as though the worst of the storm has passed. The sky should clear some more overnight. Once the snow has been packed down, the pistes are going to be fantastic. I bet everyone in the resort is desperate to get back up on the mountain,” Max says, staring out of thewindow.
“I imagine there are probably a few thrill seekers already risking their necks now,” Bryceadds.
“I agree. If the roads are made passable tomorrow and we manage to get back to the chalet, I might join you on the slopes.” Hudsonsmiles.
“You normally work Boxing Day,” Max says, giving Hudson a surprisedlook.
“Not this year. This year I’m taking the day off. Perhaps even Louisa will be willing to have a lessen or two,” Hudson says, turning to face me. He’s pulled on his coat and hat, ready to shovel some snow from around thecar.
“Oh, I’m not much of a skier,” I say, shaking my head. Not much of a skier? I’ve never skied in mylife.
“That’s okay, we can help you get back on the horse, so to speak. It’ll be fun,” hepersists.
“Fun?” Bryce laughs. “I don’t think I’ve heard that word come out of Hudson’s mouth for, well, ever. You’ve certainly done a number on Hud, given he’s willing to give up a day of working forfun. I didn’t think you had it inyou.”
“I can have fun,” Hudson protests, feigning mockupset.
“Sure, your idea of fun is spending all day at work, then letting your hair down with several beautiful women beneath you,” Brycejibes.
“Bryce, man…” Max starts, noticing the look on myface.
I cover up my reaction with a false smile. “Hey, it’s fine. You don’t owe me anything, but I think I’ll pass on the skiing,” I say tightly, unable to hide the hurt I feel, even though I have no right to feelit.
“Damn it, Bryce.” Hudson frowns at his brother. I catch his eye, and he starts to say something then stops. What can he say? Clearly, it wasn’t alie.
“Louisa…” Bryce calls after me as I leave the room. I try not to feel hurt by the fact Hudson chooses, hell they all choose, to let loose that way. They have a history, these men, and a shed load of women and lots of sex are a huge part of it. I hate that knowing it makes me feel this way. Jealously and doubt settle in my chest as I head into the bathroom and turn the shower on. Whilst I wait for the shower to warm up I grab my toothbrush, squeeze on some toothpaste and clean my teeth. Weirdly, one of my bad habits as a kid was to overclean my teeth whenever I felt upset or unhappy, which was often. It made me feel better, having clean teeth. I don’t know why. I guess I associated bad things with shit teeth. My mum’s were terrible, stained a dark yellowish brown from all the alcohol abuse and smoking fifty cigarettes aday.
I scrub and scrub them until I feel marginally better, spitting out the excess toothpaste and swilling my mouth with water once I’m done. I look at my reflection in the mirror, studying my face. “What are you playing at, Louisa?” I whisper to myself, then nearly jump out of my skin when I see Bryce staring at me from thedoorway.
“I need to apologise for what I said,” he starts, stepping into the room and shutting the door behindhim.
“What, for telling the truth?” I say, turning around to facehim.
Bryce sighs, scraping a hand over his beard. “No, for being such an insensitiveprick.”
I shrug my shoulders. “I’m not a child. You’ve all got a past, a reputation. I get it, you all like women, you’ve had a lot ofthem.”
“Yes, maybe we have, but after what you said this morning, what you gave us…” Bryce blows out a frustrated breath. “Look, I’m not someone who’s able to say how I feel without running for the hills. Give me a boardroom full of clients and I can go on forever about business stuff, but when it comes to stuff like this I don’t know where to start.” He walks over to me and I have to arch my neck slightly to look up at him. “I’m sorry if I made you feel like shit, it wasn’t myintention.”
“What aboutHudson?”
“He’s pissed at me and taking his anger out on the snow.” Bryce pulls a face. “At this rate he’ll clear a path all the way back down to theresort.”
I sigh, feeling bad I’ve caused friction between the brothers, especially on Christmas day. It had been going so well up until that point.Way to go, Louisa.“I overreacted. Tell Hudson it’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” I repeat, echoing my words from earlier. The knot in my stomach is still there, the doubt clinging to me stubbornly. “I’m going to take a shower, do youmind?”
He doesn’t take the hint or if he does, he ignores it. Instead, Bryce steps closer to me so that I am backed up against the sink, my bottom pressing against the coldporcelain.
“You’re not fine. What can I do to make you feelbetter?”
Love me? The rogue thought enters my head and for a moment I worry I’ve said it out loud. I consider what he’s asking. I can’t expect his love, nor can I expect it from Max or Hudson. Despite everything they’ve said, that’s just a fantasy,unrealistic.
“I’m not sure there is anything that can fix me,” I say. I don’t mean how I feel in this moment. I mean everythingelse.
“Your mum is pretty messed up,eh?”