The place is heaving, full of people I don’t recognise and some that I do. Clara, the bitch from this morning, is draped around Bryce’s shoulders, her cherry lips pulling on his earlobes. For some ridiculous reason, it pisses me off. Clara whispers something in his ear, and he turns to look at me, his eyes narrowing. When Clara kisses him, he pulls her close, all the while looking directly at me. My heart drums way too loudly in my chest and I turn away just as Max stumbles forward. This time I’m the one to catch him. He can barely stand up straight. I take the can of beer out of his hand and manoeuvre him through the throng ofpeople.
“I think you should go lie down before you pass out,” I say. He really must have knocked back a lot of booze, considering a well-stacked guy like him could be so thoroughly drunk. He is almost at the stage of oblivion. I recognise the signs, I’ve seen it often enough with my own mother. When I look about the room, most of the people are in a no better state than he is. I guess this is thepartyingFreed brothers Luke had told Shawna so muchabout.
“I’ll help you get him upstairs,” Hudson says, approaching us. He places an empty glass on a side table nearby and wraps Max’s arm around his shoulder. There is a woman watching us. She looks older, more sophisticated than most of the other revellers in the room, with long blonde hair a few shades darker than mine and the prettiest steel-grey eyes. She isstunning.
“Hudson, do you need me to help?” sheasks.
He turns to her. “No, Louisa and I can manage. I won’t be long,Sacha.”
“He’s had too much to drink,” I say, stating the obvious. I can feel Sacha’s eyes on me. She’s taking the opportunity to look me up and down as though I am a threat. I give her a smile, one that says there’s no need to worry about me, but she just raises a haughty eyebrow. I dislike herimmediately.
Hudson nods his head. “Max tends to knock the drink back when he’shurting.”
Hurting? Why would he be hurting? I don’t ask, not sure I want to get into a conversation about some girl Max might be piningafter.
Together we manage to get him upstairs and into his bedroom. I haven’t been in it before now and I am surprised by the sheer size of it. In the centre of the room is a huge king-sized bed covered in soft cream blankets, complementing the warm wood of the walls. We lay Max down. Hudson takes his shoes off and pulls an eiderdown over him, and then he does something completely unexpected and extraordinarily tender. He leans down and kisses Max on the forehead. It’s not at all sexual, more like a father kissing his son at bedtime, but it surprises me nonetheless. Hudson turns to face me and, noticing the look on my face,sighs.
“Despite what you might think, I’m not a complete arsehole. None of usare.”
I don’t say anything, we just stand and stare at each other. I can tell he has more to say, so Iwait.
“The rumours you heard are true. We are not blood-related, although in every other way Max and Bryce are my brothers. I have looked out for them since we ended up in the same care home together. I left at eighteen, worked hard, got a place. As soon as they were old enough to leave a couple years later, we moved in together. We’ve been inseparable ever since. We work together, we live together still. I don’t think that will ever change. We’ve achieved a lot in the past eleven years after leaving the carehome.”
I nod my head. “And the women? Sacha?” I say, waving my hand around, hoping he understands what I mean. What I really want to know is why he set his sights on me this morning. Why it had been so important for him to make me want him.Wait? Did I want him?I shake the thought aside, not willing to go there. Besides, he’s clearly moved on already. Or rather switched his sights to someoneelse.
“They are a symptom of a fucked-up issue we all have…” He sits on the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb the now sleeping Max, and looks up at me, his green eyes flecked with pain. “We were all abandoned by our mothers. Not all in the same way, but abandoned nonetheless. I guess we find comfort in the arms of women. Fuck, I don’t know. Sacha is someone I’ve known for some years. We’re fuck buddies, that’s all.” Hudson pulls a shaking hand through his hair. For whatever reason, he feels the need to share this information with me. I’m about to ask why when he gets up off the bed and walks towards me, standing just inside what is a comfortable distance. Remembering the way he made me feel earlier, I step back, needing space between us. A strange riot of emotions clamour for my attention but I push themdown.
He looks at me wide-eyed. “Christ, I have no idea why I feel the need to share any of this with you. I don’t know what it is but there’s something about you, something I recognise…” His voice trails off at the look of horror on my face. Am I that emotionally scarred by my mother that everyone can spot the deadness insideme?
“What did I say?” Hudson raises his hand to my face as a rebellious tear falls from my eyes. I am stronger than this. For so many years I have kept this well of pain within me, and for some reason amongst these men it is trying toescape.
“You are not the only ones to have suffered a cruel childhood, Hudson. Although my mother is still in my life, she abandoned me a long time ago for the oblivion she could find at the bottom of a bottle. So, I get what it’s like. I understand,truly.”
Hudson moves towards me, surprise, guilt, then sorrow tracking across his features. I take another step away. “Perhaps Max is right, perhaps I am the Ice Queen. I don’t have room in me for more lost souls, my own is more than enough to deal with. Besides, I wouldn’t give away something so precious to a person who uses women so carelessly. I’ve seen my mother do that time and time again. That isn’t me,” I say, my voice cracking with emotion. I turn away from Hudson and walk towards thedoor.
“Louisa,” he says, staring at me. He looks so lost, so vulnerable that I almost,almost, go back into theroom.
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry, for earlier. That was the fucked-up me, the one that needs to make every woman he meets want him. You don’t want me, or any of us it would seem, and it made me mad. I guess I wanted to prove to myself that I could have you if I wished. I was an arsehole. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’ll backoff.”
I look up at him, at the tiny beauty spot that sits just under his eye, at his full pink mouth. I look at Max sleeping peacefully on the bed, I remember the look in Bryce’s eyes as I ignored his attempts at making me jealous this morning, andsigh.
“You’re all beautiful, any woman would be mad not to be flattered by your advances. But I can’t give you what you want. I’m too broken already to allow any more people in to break what’s left of my heart. I can’t just have sex without it meaning something. I won’t be used like that, and none of you can have meaningful relationships. That’s prettyclear.”
“Louisa…” he starts, but I hold my handup.
“Hudson, I am not like other women. I won’t be a part of any games, yours or your brothers’. I’m going to go to my room now. Tomorrow, when Max has recovered and you guys are alone together, I would appreciate it if you can make clear to them both what my position is. I am here to work, that is it. There is nothing beyond that. Fuck whoever you want, just don’t try to fuckmeover. If you don’t think you can do that, then I will happily swap with another chaletgirl.”
With that I turn on my heel and head to my room, passing a scowling Sacha on the way down. I don’t care if she heard what I said, I am no threat to her. It’s all the other available women she needs to watch outfor.