Chapter One
“Louisa!Get your arse down here,NOW!”
Sighing, I pick up my bag and coat and head into the living room. Sitting on the sofa is my mum and snuggled up next to her a rather drunk Dom, or Fred, or whatever the hell this new client, I meanboyfriend, is called. “What is it, Mum?” I ask, trying not to notice that Dom has his hand up hertop.
“We need more booze. Do us a favour and go grab us a bottle of vodka from the off-licence.” Noticing the look of disgust on my face, she pushes Dom’s handaway.
“Oy, not in front of Louisa. She’s a prude.” The sound of her laugh sets my teeth onedge.
“I’m not a prude. I just don’t think it’s appropriate to be all over each other like a couple of teenagers while I’m in theroom.”
Mum looks at me, her eyes bloodshot. “You’re twenty-two, Louisa, isn’t it about time you got yourself a fella? Might loosen you up abit.”
“I don’tneeda boyfriend. I don’tneedloosening up. I need a mother who actually gives a shit about me. I need a mother who doesn’t spend her whole existence getting pissed and shagging the next bloke for a fewquid!”
Mum pushes Dom off her and attempts to stand, but she is so drunk she only manages to fall forward onto the coffee table, ending up on her arse on the floor. I stay where I am, too angry tohelp.
“Don’t you look down your nose at me!” she screams from her spot on the floor. “You’re lucky you got a home to live in, girl. Now make yourself useful and go get me some fuckingvodka!”
I sigh and hold my hand out for the money whilst Dom heaves her off the floor. For as long as I can remember she has been a drunk. My real father left us when I was a toddler and her drinking has got steadily worse over the years. Her addiction isn’t helped by the fact that she always has a stream of so-called boyfriends who seem to encourage her bad habits; drinking and being a shitty mother are two of her worst. There was only one man who almost turned my mother around, but she ruined that relationship too, just like she ruins everything else. I am still in touch with Richard, he hasn’t abandoned me even though he gave up on my mother five years ago. In fact, I am on my way to visit him now. He has a job opportunity that he thought I might be interested in, and given I am broke and in desperate need of cash, I agreed to hear himout.
When I look at my mum now, sitting in her stained tracksuit, her blonde hair greasy and her skin tinged grey, I am reminded that I will never have the mother I always wanted. Before the alcohol ravaged her looks, she had been attractive, beautiful even. In her soberer moments, she would tell me that I looked just like her when she was my age and would brag that I was even better looking. I miss my lucid mum, but she isn’t around much anymore. Whether I like it or not, the woman before me is all Ihave.
“Are you alright, Mum?” Isigh.
“Nowthe fucking sympathy. Just take the money and piss off,” shescreeches.
Dom leers at me, his own eyes hazy and unfocused. “That’s a good girl. Do what Mummy says,” he titters, blowing cigarette smoke at me. I want to smack the look off his face, but I don’t. I take the money andleave.
* * *
“Louisa,love, it’s good to see you,” Richard says as I enter the café, mum’s bottle of vodka in my hand. “That for Lorna?” he asks, pointing to thebottle.
I place it on the Formica table and shrug off my winter jacket. “No, it’s mine,” I say sarcastically, pulling off my beany hat and scarf, my blonde hair tumblingfree.
“Stupid question.” He smiles kindly at me and I feel guilty for being such a bitch. “Roughday?”
“You know what Mum’s like. She’s got herself a new boyfriend, and she’s worse than ever. She’s so pissed right now that I doubt she’ll even remember asking me to buy her this bottle ofvodka.”
Richard looks at me with a worried expression on his ruggedly handsome face. He is a couple of years older than mum, who’s forty-nine, though she looks far older. I never understood why Mum made him leave. He had been good for her, for us, and the only man who ever really gave a shit about her. Mum tolerates our friendship, when she is bothered enough to stay relatively sober, that is. Otherwise, she curses both me and Richard for all her problems. Most days his name is mud, just likemine.
“If I thought I could help her get dry, Louisa, I would…” His voice trails off as the waitress arrives with a cappuccino for Richard and a latte forme.
“Thanks,” Imumble.
“Can I get you anything else?” the waitressasks.
“That’s it for now,” Richard says. She leaves us in peace and I take a sip of mydrink.
“So, you said you might have some work forme?”
“You know the offer still stands, Louisa,” Richard says, ignoring my question for the moment. “You can come live with me if it gets too much.” He pats my hand, and it’s all I can do to stop myself from bursting into tears. I don’t look at his face, I can’t. His kindness and his friendship have been the only things that have kept me sane these last fiveyears.
“She’s my mum, Richard. Despite everything she’s done to me, I can’t leaveher.”
Richard sighs. “I understand, Louisa, truly I do. But she’s a grown woman. She must take responsibility for herself. It isn’t up to you to fix her. You can’t do that,love.”
I press my fingers against my eyes. “I know, but I have totry.”