“Isn’t that every gala ever?” she jokes good-naturedly. “At the very least you’ll have some good food and free drinks, and maybe get to chat with some old friends.”
“Good point.”
There’s a slight pause in the conversation and then Kendall, being the ever-professional and amazingly skilled psychologist that she is, uses her deductive reasoning to identify that this isn’t just a social call.
“All that aside, I’m sure that’s not why you’ve called me. What can I help you with, Marek? Is there a player you’d like me to talk with?”
I clear my throat, my tongue suddenly ten times too big for my mouth. I have to force the words out, like pushing a boulder through a cave door. I could lie and make up an excuse and say it is a player that needs help, but that’s not ethical and would leave me with the same broody situation. I need to fess up and take advantage of her expertise while I can.
“No, it’s not a player. It’s me. I did something I’m conflicted over. But it’s not a big deal and can wait until—”
She interrupts me, politely but sternly. “Marek, you have me on retainer for a reason. I’m here to talk and to help. That’s the beauty of this arrangement. Now, what is it that you feel conflicted over? Let’s talk and figure it out.”
I suddenly feel ridiculously foolish to be on the phone with Kendall to discuss the fact that I kissed Harper. Well, and the orgasm I gave her.
“It’s complicated. I think I may have crossed the line with a sports journalist that’s accompanying me—and the staff,” I add, clarifying that it’s not just me she’s here with. “On this trip.”
Without an ounce of ridicule or judgment, Kendall asks, “You mean you crossed a personal line?”
“Yes. Just now. And I deeply regret it. I shouldn’t have done it.”
“Did she…or rather, maybe he, I don’t want to assume genders…consent to whatever it was you feel you did that crossed the line?”
A laugh expels from my lungs. “She’s a she. Her name is Harper. And yes, she consented. But those lines are blurry, especially in the heat of the moment. If anyone from the outside were to look in, it would appear oddly suspicious. We’re alone in a house together…but I stopped it before we went any further and things got out of hand.”
“Marek, let me ask you this. Is what happened between you and Harper making you feel guilty because of the working relationship you have with her? Or is it something else? A deeper reason for holding yourself at arm’s length.”
The question stumps me. “What other reason could there be?”
Kendall makes a small noise. “I understand there’s a lot going on right now with your ex-wife.”
“Yes, there is, but that doesn’t have any bearing on this situation.” I wrinkle my forehead, not quite following the logic or connection she’s trying to make. One has nothing to do with the other.
“Hear me out on this,” she requests. I lean forward and prop my elbow on my knee, shoving my fingers through my hair.
“I don’t know much of your personal life, Marek, but I do know you’ve been through more than your share of difficulties associated with your divorce. All I’m suggesting is that the turmoil you experienced at the end of your marriage could have residual effects on future relationships. You may be unconsciously self-sabotaging things before they begin out of fear of getting hurt again.”
I try to argue, but it’s no use. She’s probably closer to the truth than I’d like to admit.
“Okay, but there’s one detail that doesn’t fit in your diagnosis, Doctor.”
“And what’s that?” she muses softly.
“I’m not involved or in a relationship with Harper. I barely know the woman outside of the professional capacity. We’re not dating.”
Even as the words leave my mouth, I want to stop and retract them by shoving them back inside. It’s true that I’ve only known Harper for a month, but I like her a lot. I enjoy her company. I like being around her. She makes me feel…everything.
Plus, it’s obvious I’m sexually attracted to her. Which could make tomorrow night’s event very uncomfortable. Fuck me. Can I un-invite her?
Kendall counters my lame excuse. “Maybe you two aren’t dating right now, sure. However, in my estimation and professional judgment, the circumstances wouldn’t weigh on you so heavily if you didn’t feel something more for Harper. You’ve obviously found something in her you haven’t found in anyone else since your divorce. Which means it’s an all-new ball game for you, Marek.”
This is why Kendall is so damn good at her job. She just made a half-court shot with that comment and it didn’t even hit the rim before landing in the basket.