“I did it for my own selfish reasons,” he says, and I frown at his answer. “I got to hang out with you for the day.”
A small smile falls across my lips as the tiniest of butterflies flutter inside my chest. “You can’t say things like that,” I declare, looking up at him.
Alistair stalks to me and backs me up against the wall in the living room. “Yes, I can, and I will.” He glares down at me.
“No, you can’t,” I argue back.
“Yes, I fucking can … because it’s the truth,” he argues.
He’s so frustrating. This man has no idea what it’s like to have to work so hard for money. To build something from scratch, to have the world against you every step of the way, for people to judge you. Now the flutters have been replaced with anger, and I try and move around him, but he stops me at every corner.
“No, it’snot,” I argue stubbornly.
“You’re not leaving until you understand that I’m going to compliment you every time I’m around you, and you’re going to damn well like it,” he curses at me.
“Fuck you,” I throw back at him. “You don’t get it. Nothing’s been handed to me. I’ve had to work my ass off for everything, and here you are coming into my life, making me cross lines I never thought I would cross. Making it harder and harder to do my job because all I can do is think about you, and … I can’t afford that. I can’t afford to have some rich guy try to come in and sweep me off my feet. I’ve worked too damn hard for my independence, and I willnotlet anyone take that away from me,” I scream, my anger and frustration from the day coming out in my toxic words.
“Your independence is one of the sexiest things about you, and I would never want to take it away from you,” he roars back at me.
“Even if that means I’m fucking other men,” I yell at him.
His body tenses over my words. He blinks slowly, then lets out a breath of air. “Even if it means youmustfuck other men. As long as you know outside of the club walls, you’re mine. I don’t share you outside of that.”
Oh.
A little bit of my anger subsides at that comment.
“I want you, Elle, and I can’t explain it, and I know it’s all fucked up, but I want you. I can’t stop thinking about you. Every damn minute of my day is spent wondering what you’re doing. Seeing that asshole take from you makes me want to kill him. I could offer you the money he took, but I know you would throw it back in my face or kick me in the balls for suggesting it.”
He’d be right.
“I’m jealous as fuck that other men get to touch you, have you,” he says while raking his hand through his hair. “But I’d never ask you to give up your job knowing you’re so close to achieving your dreams. Not when you’re so fucking brilliant at it. I’d never want to take that away from you,” he tells me through ragged breaths as he thumps his chest. “Put me out of my misery, Elle. Tell me you feel whatever this is going on between us and that you will try to figure it out with me?” he pleads.
The look on his face stops me dead.
Alistair has ripped himself open for me.
He’s laid it all on the line.
How can I say no when he’s looking at me the way that he is? As if I’m the very air that he breathes.
I want him.
I want him so badly, but I can’t.
He’s standing there staring at me with those hazel eyes, and they are ripping through my walls.
“You know why I can’t,” I whisper.
“Babe, I do, but please just tell me you feel this,” he asks as he grabs his hand and places it against his chest. His heart is thundering, and sparks of white-hot heat crackle beneath my fingertips.
“I do,” I answer him honestly.
Alistair’s eyes widen, and hope twinkles against a hazel backdrop. “Thank fuck!” He grins before launching himself at me, then wraps his hand around my neck and pulls me to his lips. As soon as our lips meet, I’m done for. I’m sick of fighting what’s happening between us today, my walls have crumbled, and I’m giving in, just this time. So I kiss him back fiercely, and we become a tangle of limbs.
We begin to shed all our winter layers as we hop and kick around the living room—shoes, socks, belts, jacket—all the wintery breadcrumbs left over the floor until we are down to our underwear.
Alistair falls back onto the sofa and takes me with him. I straddle his lap while his warm fingers unhook my bra and throw it to the side, and then he’s ripping my underwear clear from my hips.