“I don’t know.”I shrug.“This is the first time I’ve done anything like this,” I remind him.
“Well, text me or call me if you need me.I have my phone on vibrate so I don’t have to be listening for it.”
“I will.”I reach out, grabbing hold of his hand and squeezing it tightly, desperately needing the connection right now.“I love you.”
He blushes, leaning in to press a kiss against my forehead.His arms go around me, hugging me tightly to his body.As I begin to relax, he puts his mouth to my ear.“Not as much as I love you.Be safe, yeah?”
“Always, especially now.”
He walks me over to the car I purchased last year because I got tired of riding my bike in the winter.
“Might have to give up the bike for a while,” he mumbles.
“Yeah, that’s why I drove this instead.I was worried.”I worry my lips together.“So much to think about.”
“We have all the time to think about it.Don’t get fucked up over it yet,” he advises, reaching out to cup the back of my neck in the palm of his hand.“We’ll figure this shit out.First thing we need to find out is if it’s true or not.”
While I know he’s right, I’m still scared.Beyond terrified of what my parents are going to say, my grandparents too.So far, I’ve been waffling between them being excited because I’m carrying on the line and disappointed because we’re so young.
“Stop it,” he whispers.“Don’t put the cart before the horse.Let’s see what we’re facing first.”
“Okay, I’m outta here.”
Bishop watches as I drive away.It’s reminiscent of the first day we had school after he came to live with us.
“I wish you’d stay home with me,” he whispers in my ear.
I’d spent the night in his bed, although I’m not sure if my parents agreed to it or not.I just couldn’t stand to see him hurting.His face sports a nice bruise, and we’ve all agreed he can’t go to school.They might call the authorities and since he isn’t an adult yet, things could get complicated.
“Wish I could too, but you’re going to have a good day.”
“I know,” he sighs.“Drew is going to start me working at Walker’s Wheels, and I’m gonna get my Prospect patch.”He winks, twining his arms around my neck.
“You two talked through so much last night.”
“We definitely did, but the truth is, I have you to thank for all of it.”
Intermittently, I look in the rearview until I can’t see him any longer.Now on Louisville Road, I roll down the window to not only hear the wind but also feel it through my hair.This is as close as I can get to a bike without being on one.Coming to a red light, I carefully stop before reaching down to cup my stomach.“Might have to get used to this for a little while but, as soon as you can, we’ll get you on the back of a bike, just like my parents did with me.”
To this day, I can still remember the first memory I have of being on dad’s bike.The way he sat me in front of him, put his arms around me, and together we flew.Like a bird on the current of the wind, I held my arms out to the side and leaned into the breeze.Instead of freaking out, dad let me do it, not holding me back in the way mom would’ve.As he always had, he encouraged me to let go and learn the consequences of actions in the shadows of the safety dad gave.
That confidence is there for me to this day but, as I turn into the doctor’s office parking lot, I’m hit with a wave of nervousness and nausea.Carefully, I breathe through my nose, easing the tightness in my throat.
It’s a long walk to the front and seems even longer once I get inside and wait on the elevator.Once I step on it, my stomach rolls, not because I believe I have morning sickness, but because I’m scared as to what’s going to happen next.
When the elevator dings and the doors open, I make the walk I’ve made a few times in my life.This has been my doctor for the last three years.I’m typically okay going and don’t have a lot of anxiety, but this time my hands shake as I get to the door and reach out to open it.Just as my fingers are about to touch it, it presses open from the other side.
“So sorry.”A woman smiles, carrying a car seat with a baby inside it.“I didn’t realize you were on the other side.”
My eyes flit to the baby, her bright eyes looking all around.
Blue.So much like Bishop’s.
“You’re good,” I assure her, before taking the door and holding it open for them.
“Thank you.”She looks relieved, taking hold of the car seat with both hands.
Like a stalker, I watch as she walks away, back toward the elevators, realizing this could be me.Sooner than I ever imagined it would be.
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and then step through the door.Slowly, I walk up to the front counter.
“Do you have an appointment?”The receptionist asks.
“I do.Harley Walker and I’m here to confirm a pregnancy.”