“Yes, it is.” She sighs. “Have you ever been to therapy?”
“I have.”
She’s quiet for a moment. “What did you need therapy for, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“A bunch of things. Anxiety, depression, PTSD.”
“Aw, we’re twinsies.”
“Yeah.” I chuckle. “I was a wreck when I first got out of the Army. Drinking, fucking around, being self-destructive.”
“Do you not like to talk about it?”
“I’ll talk about anything with you, baby.”
Kenzie leans over to kiss my arm, a small smile on her face. Then her expression sobers, like she’s just had a troubling thought.
“In that vein,” she says. “Jill and I talked about one more thing today.”
“Oh yeah?”
She pulls at a stray feather on the side of the box. “I’ve been thinking a lot about my nightmares. How they always play out the same way.”
“You mean being chased through the woods?”
She nods. “I’ve noticed a few differences recently. The past couple of times haven’t been as scary. I mean, they were scary, but they were also...”
“Also what?”
“They were exciting. Arousing.”
“That’s a good shift, isn’t it?”
“It is. Jill and I have been going over what daddy kink means to me. How getting into little space lets me go back to a time before...”
She doesn't need to say it; a time before she had to use sex as currency.
My jaw tightens.
“That’s a lot to unpack in two therapy sessions,” I say.
“It’s been long overdue. And Jill’s really good at helping me get to the heart of my thoughts. Anyway, she says rewriting memories of traumatic events can be affirming, whether you do it in your head or in real life.”
“Makes sense.” I can tell she’s working up to something, but I can’t imagine what.
“I was thinking we could try a new game. One that might help me rewrite my nightmares. Like a role-play.”
It takes my brain a few seconds to make the necessary jumps.
“You want to do a roleplay of your nightmare? Are you sure you’re up for that?”
“No, but I think it might be one of those situations where I won’t know if I can handle it until I try.”
“That sounds risky, Kenz.”
“It’s all risky. I could just as easily think I’m ready and then realize halfway through that I was wrong.”
I sigh heavily. “I don’t know, baby.”