I’m no longer with Justin, but for the first time in a long time, I feel like I can handle anything. I’ve even learnt to cook.
I don’t expect you to come running back to me. Especially if you’re settled over there with your family. I love you and I just want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me.
Please don’t freak out like you did before. I know this isn’t ideal for you, but after everything we talked about recently, and how you are with your girls, I know you’ll be a wonderful dad to our child. Of course, I’ll meet you halfway and visit Australia when I can. We can make this work somehow.
We may not be together, but finally we have something that’s ours, and something beautiful has come out of this. I have so many regrets, but this isn’t one of them. I would do things differently for certain, but I don’t regret being with you for a second if this is the result.
Your Steph x
I lie back on the bed, holding the letter against my chest. She did try. When she comes to pick Caleb up, I’ll apologise for everything. I’ll tell her I’m sorry. Fuck, I’ll get on my hands and knees and beg her forgiveness if I have to.
Thinking of her going through this alone cracks my stone heart, but all the love I have for her that was hidden beneath the hard surface comes flooding out. She will forgive me. She has to.
* * *
“Love.”
My shoulders shake.
“Love. Are you waking up? I’ve made supper.”
“Supper?” I throw the covers off me and jolt up. “What time is it?”
“Around seven.”
“Mum, you should have woken me.”
“You looked so tired, love. I thought it would do you good to rest. Come down, I’ve made stew and dumplings. I’ve mashed some up for Caleb, too.”
Caleb’s cries travel up the stairs.
“I’m coming,” Mum shouts. “He doesn’t like you leaving him for even a minute, does he?”
“He’s still here?” I reach for my phone on the bedside table and glance at the time on the locked screen. 6.52pm. “Is Steph here? Did she call?” I follow mum down the stairs.
“No dear. What time is she picking him up?”
“She was supposed to be here after work around 5pm.” I check my phone for any messages or missed calls.
Walking into the living room, Caleb stops crying when he sees me, and I unclip him from his bouncy chair. “Are you hungry, mate?” I kiss his forehead and carry him to the highchair in the kitchen, smelling Mum’s stew on the hob.
What the fuck is she playing at? I press the green button next to her name and pace the kitchen while Mum serves supper.
There’s no answer. If she’s gone to her mates to get pissed again, Caleb’s staying with me tonight.
“I’ve mashed Caleb’s stew up, love. It should have cooled by now.”
“Thanks, Mum.” I sit at the table and feed Caleb his blended veg and gravy. He pulls a face, spitting some out, but I scoop it up from his chin and feed him again. He gets used to the taste after a few spoonfuls.
“She’s probably driving, do you think?” Mum places my plate in front of me. “Bethany, Olivia, dinner.”
As hungry as I am, I just don’t feel like eating as the fury of Steph burns up my insides. She could have at least text me to say she was running late.Like the other night when she was out with Picasso.I glance at Caleb’s dimpled smile, reminding me of his mother. Rage burns my chest. It’s one thing to be mad with me, but how could she not collect him?
She wouldn’t do that. She might like a drink, but she’s a good mum. Sick with worry as each minute passes and still no Steph. I force down each mouthful, not even tasting Mum’s homemade stew that usually has me going back for seconds.
After clearing the plates, I try her mobile again for the third time.
“Hello.” A man answers.