CAL
Iwatch her leave the lawn, her arms wrapping tightly around her body as she shivers in the night air. She gets into a car waiting for her in the car park. James loads the pushchair into the boot and Sarah gives her a hug before she gets into the back seat. I don’t see Justin. He must be at home with her eldest two.
The thought of my son calling that prick Daddy makes my chest ache. How much more can that man actually take from me? As if having my Steph all these years wasn’t enough, now he has my boy.
I bury my face in my hands and let myself shed a single tear, but unsure who it’s for; her, myself, my son, or the boy I lost. How did this get so fucked up?
The music echoes from the venue, a distant sound floating through the dark, but nothing can drown out the ringing in my ears or the thumping of my heart. Faint voices are in the distance with laughter, reminding me that despite all this chaos in my mind, there’s a celebration going on.
I need another drink. No, I should go home. What I should do is order a fucking taxi and get my son. Fuck it. My palm runs over my face. I take in a breath and walk back to the entrance to drink myself into the middle of next week.
* * *
Something springs under me,then again. “Daddy, wake up.”
Aargh. I roll over, blinking my eyes. “Bethy.” Her face is a blur. She’s a silhouette against the blazing sun pouring through the window. How did I even get home? The night is hazy. I sit up, causing a pain in my head as the blood rushes there and glance down at myself still in last night’s clothes.
“Daddy, are you getting up?” Beth bounces on the bed again. “We’ve been to church with Nanny. She’s doing lunch now.”
“Just gimmie a minute, boo.” I glance around the room for my phone, then feel it in my jeans pocket. Fuck, it’s dead. As I reach for the bedside table where the charger is, the events of last night resurface. I’d hoped it was all a bad dream.
Dropping back on the bed with a bounce, I pull Bethy down with me, needing a hug. Her slender frame hugs me back, her spindly arms wrapping around my neck.
“Did you like it at church?”
“We made crafts.” She climbs to the edge of the double bed and runs off. My head pounds as I try to piece last night together.
“I made this for you, Daddy.” Bethy jumps on the bed, holding a card with a coloured in cross and the words Daddy in bubble writing each letter coloured in a different colour.
When I open it up, there’s a picture. “Who are these?”
She points to her drawing. “That’s me, Liv, you, Nanny and Mummy, Steve and Buddy.”
I run my hand over my face. She’ll be able to add her brother to the picture once I sort something out. I’ll be damned if she thinks I’m just gonna slip away back to Australia. What sort of person does she think I am? “This is beautiful, sweetheart.” I kiss her cheek, and she hugs me again, giving me the motivation I need to get out of bed this morning.
The bright light shining through the window makes the pain in my head worse, and the smell of Mum’s roast wafting up the stairway makes my stomach churn.
My mouth tastes like shit, so I stumble to the bathroom, holding my head to clean my teeth and shower, though it doesn’t help much.
As I walk into the kitchen, Liv sits at the table with her headphones on, not even acknowledging me.
“Looks like you had a good night,” Mum says, waving the knife in my direction before continuing to chop the carrots.
I huff. “It was nothing short of eventful. Put it that way.” I sit at the table across from Liv, holding my head in my hands.
“I’ll pop the kettle on.” Mum makes a strong coffee. “How was everyone?”
“Yeah, same.”
She continues preparing dinner while I stare into the coffee swirling around the cup just as my life has spiralled.
“Do you remember Stephanie?”
“Yes, dear.”
I sigh, dragging a hand over my face. “She had a baby.”
“That’s nice, boy or girl?” She carries on chopping the veg.