CAL
Eight months later
“Mum, we’re out of milk. Do you want anything else from the shop?”
“Yes, love, pick up some bread too.”
“Can I come, Daddy?”
“No, Bethy. stay here with Nanny. You’re still in your nightgown.” I kiss her hair before walking out of the kitchen, grabbing the keys to Mum’s little Peugeot car. I sold my Audi when I left for Australia, but Mum’s insured me on hers for a fortnight while I’m visiting with the girls. She hardly drives it these days, everywhere she goes is in walking distance.
I asked her to come and live with me in Australia but she won’t, besides she has my sister an hour’s drive away, so she’s not totally alone.
Turning on the stereo as I back out of the drive, the CD comes to life. A voice talks about the church. I roll my eyes and shake my head at my mum’s bible CD or mindful self love shit or whatever this is. I turn a corner and pull up at the traffic lights, looking at the buttons on the radio just as he mentions his throbbing cock.
My hand hovers over the buttons, and I swallow, almost choking on my saliva. He plunders into her wet heat and my eyes widen, feeling slightly uncomfortable but turned on at the same time. The way he’s describing this woman, with her curves, smell, taste.
Fuck, it’s been so long since I had a woman. Danni set me up on a date in Oz, but I couldn’t take it any further. I couldn’t even kiss her. She just didn’t compare to my Steph. Nobody does. I spent a lifetime trying to recreate the feeling she gave me when we were together in our teens.
Even when I had her in my bed again, I only got an essence of that feeling. Having her for the odd night wasn’t enough to make me truly happy, like I was at uni when she was mine and only mine. If I could tell my twenty-year-old self what a selfish bastard he was, I would. I’d tell him to keep hold of that woman because you’ll never be truly happy without her.
The guy on the CD has come into her now. I must have missed the bit where he went from licking her clit to burying his cock in her as I zoned out, thinking of Steph.
I only think of her occasionally now when something reminds me of her. At first everything reminded me of her, but time helps and memories fade. It’s sad that someone you loved so deeply is now a stranger again.
The second time we parted was much worse. When I left at uni, I had the rest of my life ahead of me with no intention of settling down. I thought love like hers was abundant, and I was sure to find it again around every corner or every country I visited, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. A love like hers is rare. Her entire being encompasses home and seeing her again at work was like being found when I never knew I was lost.
Now, a middle-aged man, I can only half live the rest of my life because the other half of my soul is with another. My only joy now is my girls, and I cling on to every moment I can with them.
Arriving at the store, I park up and skip the CD back to where it was, not wanting Mum to know I listened to her erotic fiction. I walk into the store and grab a basket. A hand touches mine, causing an electric shock to travel up my arm.
“Cal,” a soft familiar voice says.
I turn to face her. “Kelly.”
She crosses her arms over her chest. “I didn’t know you were back. Are you back for good? Have you seen Steph? Why haven’t you been in touch?”
I hand her a shopping basket. “Okay, one question at a time.” I chuckle.
Her eyebrows pull inwards as she snatches the basket from me. Is she mad because I haven’t been in touch with her? We’re friends, but I didn’t think she’d miss me that much.
“Well? What’s your poor excuse for being an absolute bellend?” Her foot taps, waiting for me to speak, but I don’t get why she’s so pissed.
“I’m sorry I’ve not been in touch. I lost all my numbers.”
The crease between her eyes deepens. “When did you last hear from Steph? You got her message, right?”
“I’ve not heard from Steph since the day I left for Sydney.” What message? Blood rushes to my head, and the fruit and veg aisle fogs all around me. “Is she all right? Has something happened to her?”
Kelly sighs. “She’s fine, Cal.” She bites her lip and hesitates like she wants to say more.
“What is it?” I rub my middle finger over my eyebrow.
Kelly shakes her head. “You don’t need to worry, but you should contact her now you’re back.”
I relax my shoulders, knowing she’s all right. “I’m not back for good. The girls are on holiday for a fortnight. I’m just visiting Mum.”
“You still need to contact her.”