“Take the money. You don’t want Justin seeing a credit card statement with a taxi or train fare bill. Just take the money. I can’t spend it where I’m going, anyway. And I’m not spending my last minute with you arguing again.”
I take the money and shove it in my bag. “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you all of me, but know you have my soul and you’re always on my mind.”
He follows me to the doors, and I wrap my arms around him. His warm breath falls onto my neck as he exhales deeply. I kiss his cheek, rubbing against his stubbly jaw, closing my eyes tight, imprinting this moment into a memory. We stay like this until the doors fly open.
“I can’t let go, Cal.”
He squeezes me tighter. “Baby, call me when you get back to your car, so I know you’re safe.”
I nod. “I will.”
“If you need anything, just call me, yeah?”
“Are you getting off, miss?” the conductor asks.
Cal pulls me close. With a jagged breath and a tremble in his lip, he kisses me one last time. The morning sun reflects in his eyes as I step off the train onto the platform. The doors close in front of me, closing our relationship. He leans his forehead against the glass and presses his palm flat. I walk along the platform as the train sets off again with a screeching against the metal rails.
He fades into the distance and something inside me fades with him. Hope, maybe, or my heart, as if it’s being ripped from me. The screeching sound rings in my ears as my body cries out. I’m standing on the platform in the morning summer sun, but my spirit is showered in darkness. Collapsing onto a bench behind me, I let my head fall into my hands, my elbows dig into my knees. I’m numb. No tears, just emptiness, nothing where my soul once lived.
A buzz and vibration from my bag brings me back to consciousness. I don’t know how much time has passed, but the sun hides behind a cloud, turning everything dull. Looking at my phone, I notice it’s 8.21am before I swipe right against Justin’s name.
“Steph, where the hell are you?”
“I’m sorry. I’ll be home soon.”
“What are you doing leaving in the middle of the night? I woke up to you gone with no explanation. I know we need to talk, but you could have at least left a note. The kids, Steph. The kids are asking for you.”
“I’m sorry. I just went for a drive early this morning to think. How’s Cairen?”
“He must be better. He’s asking for pancakes. Where are you? You’re scaring me. You don’t sound right.”
“I’m about an hour away. I’ll come home now.”
“Steph. You’re not doing anything stupid, are you?”
I close my eyes and bang my head against the brick wall. “Justin, I wouldn’t do that. I’ll see you soon, and we can talk.”
“Hurry home.”
The phone slips from my hand onto my lap, and I take in several deep breaths. After a few minutes gathering my thoughts, I walk into the station looking for a local taxi company on the pin board.
The ride is a blur. I stare out the window, but nothing registers. Once back at my car, I pay the driver and let out a long breath when there’s no parking ticket, unless they just send a letter these days with no warning.
I sit in my car, and call Cal like he asked.
“Hey.”
I close my eyes. Hearing his voice sends a spark to my heart, as if bringing it back to life for a moment. “Hi.”
“Everything okay? Did you get to your car all right?”
“I got a taxi.”
“It’s taken you a long time to get back. I was getting worried.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to worry anyone. I must have sat at the station for a while. What are you doing?”
“I’m sitting in the departure lounge with a coffee.”