“Have you and Dad fallen out?” His eyes fill with water like a paddling pool about to overflow.
I glance at Justin, clenching his jaw. “No, sweetheart, we haven’t fallen out. Dad was upset that I didn’t come home, nothing to worry about.”
I give him his medicine. “Let’s lie down. I’ll rub your tummy and make it better.”
Justin picks him up and carries him through to the living room. Cairen and I cuddle up on the couch. I can feel Justin’s eyes on me as if laser beams are burning into my head, giving me a headache from hell. I shoot a glare back, but his stare just intensifies.
* * *
First thing in the morning,I call the office, telling them I won’t be at work today. Justin takes Cassie to school, and the house is at rest. I shower to erase the sickly smell from my hair and body, then check on Cairen again. His small weak frame lays limp in my bed. A layer of moisture covers his forehead, and I brush my palm there, moving back his blonde hair, checking for a temperature. To my relief, he’s still cool and seems to have a bit of colour back in his cheeks.
Picking my phone from the set of drawers, I make my way into the bathroom to call Cal. My heart aches knowing he’s going to the other side of the world, and I’ll never see him again. I was ready to give myself to him fully and deal with whatever the consequences were. I always said I’d follow him to the ends of the earth. If it was just me, I’d go with him in a heartbeat, but I have two children.
I couldn’t tell him last night that I wanted to leave Justin. I’d be asking him to choose between me and his girls. Even if he came home for the holidays, it would never work. I couldn’t live with myself knowing I stopped those girls from having their dad in Australia with them. They’d end up resenting me. I have to let him go as he let me go.
With a tightening in my throat, I tap his name on my phone.
“Steph?”
“Hi.” My eyes screw shut as I lean my head back against the bathroom door.
“Hey, did you call in sick?”
“Yes.” The word comes out as a squeak as I try to hold back the wobble in my voice.
“What time are you coming?”
“I’m not. Cairen’s poorly.” I hear a heavy sigh and then a pause. “Cal, are you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m here, baby.”
I slide down the bathroom door and crumple into a pile on the cool white tiled floor. “I’m sorry.” My voice breaks as I speak the words and wipe away a tear with my shaky hand.
“You’ve nothing to be sorry for, Steph. It’s just…”
I cut him off. “Don’t say it’s for the best.”
“I wasn’t gonna say that. I was gonna say, it’s just these things happen.”
My head rests against my hand, and I rub my fingers over the throb in my temple. “I’ve been up with him all night. He’s been vomiting.”
“Poor kid. How is he now?”
I sniffle into the handset. “He’s sleeping now in my bed. I’ve had to strip his bedding down.”
“Are you crying?”
I wipe my cheeks again and grab the tissues to blow my nose. “Yes, you always have that effect on me.”
“Where’s Justin?”
Just the mention of Justin makes me nauseous. He slept in the spare room last night, but only because Cairen was in my bed. “He’s at work.”
“I’m coming over.”
My head snaps up. “No, Cal, you can’t. You’ll get sick. You don’t want to be throwing up on your flight tomorrow.”
“Baby, I won’t have you crying on your own. I’m coming.”