“I can’t start this again, Cal. I just came here to make sure you were all right. It was tearing me apart, thinking you were miserable. Kelly said you looked like hell.”
“I was in hell. Every day without you is hell.”
“I’m sorry.” I look down at my feet, tormented that I can’t please everyone.
“No, I’m sorry. I know this is for the best, as much as I want to do this again, and believe me I want to do this again, over and over again, but I’m afraid there won’t be anything left of me at the end of it.”
His eyes are dull, like a withered tree in winter with no sun. I wrap my arms around him. His cheek presses against mine, the bristles scratch my soft skin, and I turn my face to kiss him there. “I will try and leave him. I promise.”
He pulls away. His eyes are wide, hinting at a ray of sunshine seeping through thick clouds. “When?”
“I don’t know. It’s my son’s birthday in two weeks. I have to get past that first and then I’ll see.”
He rolls his eyes. “Don’t fucking bother.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“There’ll never be a good time for you, Steph.”
“I promise, I will leave.”
“When? After your son’s birthday? Then it will be your birthday, then your daughter’s birthday, then the fucking dog’s birthday, then Christmas again. Forget it.”
“I’m sorry Cal.” The tears threaten my eyes. I don’t want things to end badly between us again. “Cal please.”
“Fuck off, Steph. Run back to Justin, the jackass, like you always do.”
“Fine. I will.” I turn around, breathing heavily through my nostrils. Why does he always do this? I swing open my car door and Cal slams it shut. His firm hands push me back against the car and cage me in. Before I can speak, his hot lips smother mine. Our tongues twist in a frenzy of passion.
I close my eyes. The kiss slows, and his tongue gently flickers against mine. We finish with light pecks. If he wasn’t pinning me against the car, my body would pool at his feet.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, then kisses my ear and my neck. “I just love you so fucking much it hurts.”
My fingers entwine in his hair and, with my other hand, my nails dig into his shoulder as I pull him back to my lips.
“Daddy,” Olivia shouts, making me break the kiss.
Cal tilts his head towards the doorway. “Just give me one minute, Liv.” He kisses me again in front of his daughter.
“Cal,” I pant, shocked that he’s still kissing me in front of his kid.
“Steph.” He gazes into my eyes as though nothing else exists.
“Dad, Beth pulled my hair. My plait has come out, and I need my hair plaited for the rehearsal in an hour,” she cries.
Beth comes to the doorway shouting, “She started it, Daddy.”
I giggle. It’s nice to know they fight as well, just like my two.
Cal sighs. “Are you any good at plaits? Help me out here, Steph.” He looks at me with his big brown eyes.
I fold my arms, but my lips curl in the corner. “I’m still mad at you.”
He rests his forehead against mine. “You didn't seem mad a minute ago. Or fifteen minutes ago.”
“My hands can't resist this body of yours.”
He licks under my ear as he whispers, “Or this tongue, huh?”