Chapter Fifty-Nine
Sierra
Monday morning, I get up at six, as usual. It is amazing how my body still functions on autopilot, even though my heart has been ripped to shreds.
I have no appetite, but force myself to nibble on half a bagel. I’m eating for four, even if the other three are no bigger than olives.
Griffin hasn’t called or texted. Charles hasn’t contacted me either. He’s probably assumed that his dream of getting me to fund whatever it was that he wanted me to fund is dead and is trying to console himself.
I walk out to the driveway to my Ferrari. It looks forlorn sitting there without Griffin’s blue Prius. We were only together for a little over a month, but now it feels like I’m missing a critical part of myself.
As I start the engine, the stereo blasts “Can’t Stop Me Now” by Queen. Even this extra-upbeat tune fails to lift my mood. I always assumed people who were blue felt that way because they had a lot of negative thoughts they couldn’t block. But I realize you don’t need negative thoughts—negative circumstances can be enough to shove you deep into despair. Like finding yourself alone after having known the heaven of being with someone you thought understood and loved you.
After a few deep breaths to re-center myself, I drive to work. Even if my personal life is falling apart, I still have to do my job. Our customers expect us to deliver, and my employees depend on me.
When I reach the parking lot, I cut the engine and slowly climb out. The SoCal sun feels extra vicious, the air less refreshing.
Somebody scuttles out between two of the cars. My heart jumps with shock and fear until I realize it’s Todd.
I should be outraged. Angry enough to start yelling. But right now, I’m just too blue to care. The only reaction I can muster is a vague curiosity about why he’s scurrying around like a rat so early in the morning. He hates getting up before seven.
Dan runs out of the lobby toward us. He knows Todd shouldn’t be on company grounds. Not that I’ll hold this breach against him. Silicone Dream doesn’t have a wall around its headquarters, and he can’t cover every entry point.
“Get away from her,” Dan roars, closing the distance.
“I need to talk to her!” Todd shouts back, enunciating every word properly.
At least he isn’t drunk. A huge improvement over the last two times. I try to walk around my ex-husband without making eye contact. “I have nothing to say to you.”
“Wait. Please,” he says, coming closer. His soap and cologne waft toward me, and my stomach roils.
Covering my nose, I step back.
Todd doesn’t seem to notice my reaction. He steps closer. “Look, it’s about my job.”
I circle him so that I’m upwind. My stomach settles, but only a little. “What job?”
“My job. At Wollstonecraft. The college isn’t renewing my contract.” He speaks as though it’s of critical importance.
Dan arrives, putting himself between me and Todd like he’s going to physically remove the other man. I put a hand on his shoulder, realizing this contract thing might be a solution to one of my problems. “Let him talk for a moment.”
Todd gives Dan a smug look before turning back to me. “You have some pull with the administration. Can you ask them to reconsider? I really don’t want to leave Lovedale.”
“Why would you have to leave?”
“I can’t find another position locally. And I can’t work on us if I have to go to Boston.”
First good piece of news I’ve heard since Friday evening.“Boston, Massachusetts?” I say, just to be sure. There could be a less famous Boston somewhere.
“Yes.” He frowns for a second. “Or possibly Florida. Those are the only two places where I can find openings.”
“I see. Well, good luck.” I smile.
“What?”
“I would like nothing more than for you to go someplace as far away from me as possible.”
“Sierra!” He puts both his hands over his chest, a picture of beseeching sincerity. “I’m telling you that I am going to work on being the kind of husband you deserve.”