“Uh-huh. And…?”
“Aren’t I supposed to have issues? Maybe start being premenopausal? Hormones drying up, vagina having the moisture level of a desert? Me not getting horny at a sight of a sweaty hunk after a run?” I start to get flustered and mildly confused. After my divorce, I swore I wouldn’t be attracted to another haughty, judging type. Griffin isn’t exactly haughty…but he definitely judges. I shouldn’t be attracted to him.
But I’m crazy about him—or his body. What’s up with that?
“A desert?” Ellie rolls her eyes. “Sierra the Sahara? Please. You’re twenty-nine. Nobody goes premenopausal that early.”
“But I have blocked fallopian tubes,” I argue, more out of the desire to avoid admitting she’s right, and I’m going back on my vow already.
“Which doesn’t prevent your ovaries from working. It only takes away a place for your egg and some marauding sperm to tango.” Ellie gives me an evaluating look.
“What?”
“Just what’s going on here? You’d normally laugh off a situation like this. I mean, so what if some guy knows you masturbate? Hell, not masturbating would be weird, given your job—and the fact that a lot of perfectly healthy and sane women enjoy making themselves feel good.”
“Yeah, but…”
“I think you’re just nervous because you care.”
“What?”
“If Todd heard you masturbate, you’d laugh in his face because you don’t care. And the same with most any man—but not Griffin.”
A dawning horror begins to break over me. “No, I—”
“You care about what he thinks.”
“I don’t! He’s…he’s really judgmental. Not my type at all.”
“Girl, your brain can say whatever, but your body doesn’t lie. If you get all hot and bothered just thinking about him?” She gives me a couple of slow, exaggerated nods. “Oh yeah. It’s on.”
“Are you saying I have feelings for more than his body?”
“Maybe, maybe not. But he’s more important to you than you’re willing to admit.” She pats my shoulder. “Listen to your fun box. It’s doing better than your brain, which picked Todd. I know your vag didn’t pick him.”
She’s right. But that doesn’t mean my hormones are going to make the right decision.