A loud tire squeal shatters my Zen state. I open my eyes and see a black Mercedes skid to a stop. Lucas jumps out.
I shake my head. This has to be a hallucination. What else could explain his presence? He hasn’t shown himself since I told him we were through.
But he doesn’t disappear. He walks closer, his gait wide and slightly uneven. The look in his eye is cold enough to freeze nitrogen. A flush tinges his cheeks, and his lips are pressed white.
He’s lost weight, I notice with a sudden pang. His pale sweater and dark jeans hang a bit too loosely off his frame, and the angles of his bones are as sharp.
The sight makes my heart ache, then soar, then ache again. I never wanted him to suffer when I made my point. I just wanted to be left alone, so I could rebuild my life. But he’s here, and I wonder if he’s going to ask me to give him another chance. The most lamentable thing is that I want to, even though I know I’m better off on my own. I’m so weak for him.
He stops a foot away. I can actually feel his body heat across the distance. Awareness prickles through me, and I curl my hands by my sides and drink him in.
“Why did you say no?” he demands.
“To what?”
“What the hell’s wrong with my money?”
Then I understand. “There’s no point. You only offered the money to make up for the job I lost, but I found a new one, so…” I shrug. “I can take care of myself again.”
“You will take the money.”
“I will not.” It feels too much like a payoff, like he’s trying to buy my forgiveness. My dad used to do that, too, with me and my mom, and the memories still leave a bad taste.
His eyes flare. “You think this is about me buying you.”
“Now where could I have gotten that idea? Oh, that’s right. You offered me two million dollars.” I smack my forehead. “Silly me.”
“This isn’t about any of—”
“What else could it possibly be about?”
“Closure.” He takes a moment, then breathes out audibly. “I didn’t go to Chiang Mai to get you back, Ava. I went there to finish things on my terms. Then I let my hormones derail my plan.”
Hearing him say this makes me sick and hurt, because it confirms everything I suspected.
He continues, “Now I’m getting back on track.”
“That”—my voice breaks a little in spite of myself—“involves giving me two million dollars?”
“Because that’s what I promised. I want nothing left between us.”
I swallow and gather myself. “I don’t need a payoff to know there’s nothing between us.”
Something hard flits through his eyes. “I need to clear the debt. To make sure it doesn’t come back to bite me in the ass. You understand why a man in my position needs to be careful.”
“If I ever come after it, you can say you never promised anything.”
“I’m not like you, Ava. I don’t lie or lead people on.”
“Lucas—”
“Take the fucking money and sign the form. You and I will be strangers.”
“You think that will just…erase everything?”
“It will for me, and that’s all I care about.” He reaches out and cups my jaw. His skin is so warm against mine, and inside I’m crumbling like a pillar of sand at the small connection. “You said I was toxic. So take the money and make me go away.”
My throat closes, and I can’t speak. If he is poison…there’s never been a sweeter one. I’m finally beginning to understand why my mother opted to self-destruct rather than let go of my father…even when he refused to marry her, forgot her birthdays, their anniversaries and Valentine’s and holidays. She craved him more than her sanity, more than her self-respect.