Tolyan looks at me. “Repeated sexual harassment isn’t ‘enough’?”
“Roy told me he’s going to come and kill me when I’m at my happiest.” That threat usually rings in my head when something happens to make me smile. Which is why when I envision my future happiness, I dare not do anything to make my current circumstances better. I can’t, really, until Roy’s taken care of.
Tolyan takes the last bite of the steak and chews. After washing it down with vodka, he makes a vaguely derisive sound. “Amateur.”
“What?”
“I said he’s an amateur. He’s trying to torment you mentally, and that’s the best he can do?”
“He had someone kill a stray cat that I liked.”
Tolyan’s eyebrows pull together. Not a sign of concern crosses his face. His eyes flash with disgust.
Somehow I feel it’s important to convince Tolyan how terrible Roy is. If a dead cat isn’t enough to shock him… “Every time I find somebody who’s kind to me, he sends a car to hit them. He killed my last landlady…and there are more. Like the guy next door who helped me carry some things when I moved to Houston. Or the dog on my street whose owner hired me to walk it a few times a week when she was out of town. He also hit the owner later. Two guys I started dating. A female friend from work. And to make sure I know it’s him who’s behind all the hit-and-runs, he makes sure the cars have a vanity plate that says RN IF U CN.”
Tolyan shrugs, like I just told him it might sprinkle a little tomorrow.
A hot ball of old wounds and fear explodes like a bomb. How dare he act like my painful experience is nothing? “What, that’s not enough? Would you have done more if you were in his place?”
“I wouldn’t bother with those petty things. He’s exerting himself for nothing. As sad as the poor cat was, it wasn’t personal enough to you. Same for those people. You weren’t close enough to them for the accidents to mean a lot.”
Is he accusing me of being an unfeeling bitch? Granted, I wasn’t super close to those people because I put distance between me and them. But that doesn’t mean he gets to try to make me feel bad for not having felt more grief and guilt for the accidents!
“I’m not judging you. Nobody feels deep sorrow for every misfortune that happens to someone else, even people they know in real life. You simply can’t function if you feel that viscerally about everything. But if you’re experienced and wise enough to understand that, you also know that what Roy’s been doing is ineffective.”
I want to argue, but I can’t think of anything. He’s right about people not feeling the same depth of emotion for everyone. And despite the fact that I’ve sipped water throughout the meal, my mouth seems bone-dry as I wait for more of what he has to say. I have a feeling he’s done unspeakable things, and the people who know about them are dead or in no position to talk about them.
Tolyan gazes out the window contemplatively. “I’d wait until you’d really bonded with someone, until you were dreaming of a sweet future with him, then strike and strip you of everything,” he says. “People abhor losing things. The anguish is unbearable if it’s the sole source of their joy and purpose in life.” He sips his vodka and lets out an appreciative sigh. “But then, a man with sexual dysfunction would lack patience and vision. So it’s to be expected.”
I stare at him. “How can you know that?”
“What, specifically?” His expression remains unreadable.
“The sexual dysfunction. You’ve never met him.” And I don’t know if Roy has any kind of dysfunction…aside from being a sadistic sociopath.
“You said he snuck into your room. And ‘did things,’ but I presume he didn’t actually rape you. Am I wrong?”
I shake my head mutely, too stunned to figure out how I’m supposed to react to his cool, matter-of-fact tone.
“It’s obvious you’re alone now. You don’t have anybody who can protect you because if you did, you wouldn’t have come to me. And yet he hasn’t done anything to be near you or sexually abuse you. No, he’s staying away, sending some hired thugs to do a job he himself should be doing. It’s a universally acknowledged truth that when you want something done to an exact standard, you do it yourself.”
“I…see.” It seems like the safe thing to say. But I still don’t know if this means he’s going to help with Roy. Maybe he’s just going to feed me, give me back my clothes and stuff, and send me home. Feeding somebody this nice of a meal right before killing them seems like a terrible waste of food.
“I’ll help you with your problem,” Tolyan says.
Yes! All the blood rushes to my head, flooding me with elation. I cover the lower half of my face with my hands. My whole body’s shaking, my skin hot and taut. Tears spring to my eyes, and I try not to hyperventilate.
“…on one condition.”
“You can have all my money!” I probably sound too eager, but I don’t care. I’ll donate a kidney if that’s what he wants.
He gives me a strange look. “Do I look like somebody who can be bought off?”
“No!” I say quickly, dropping my hands. I’m still trembling, but try to think clearly. Don’t want to upset him and have him change his mind. “I didn’t mean to i
nsult you. I just wanted to show how much I appreciate it.”
“I don’t need your money. Besides, even if I were for sale, you couldn’t afford me.”