“They’re lucky.”
“Lucky? That’s a strange thing to say. It’s my pleasure and my duty.”
A small fissure appeared in her heart. She couldn’t believe how he considered taking care of everyone who depended on him as natural as breathing. She wished for a brief moment that her family had felt that way about her too…that regardless of the men they’d lost because of her, they’d felt it was as natural as breathing to love her.
She turned away, focusing on the view outside. She didn’t want Ethan to see her this vulnerable. Their arrangement didn’t leave room for any kind of soul-deep connection. That was for more permanent relationships.
The sun shone, the world brilliant and optimistic around her. She dropped her gaze and noticed an “I Miss You” greeting card propped on the windowsill. Probably from a woman, given the ungodly amount of pink and lace on the expensive-looking paper.
As a child, Kerri had loved pink until she’d found a box full of boys’ toys in the garage one day. She’d decided to be more like the boy her grandfather had apparently wanted. Maybe if she’d shown more interest in baseball and soccer, Barron would’ve spent more time with her, paid more attention.
She blinked as the old ache resurfaced. Why was she even thinking about a pointless memory? Even if she’d been born male, her grandfather couldn’t have loved her.
With a great effort, Kerri relaxed her face until she managed a smile. Only then did she turn to Ethan. “Let’s go out.”
“What are you in the mood for?” he asked.
I want to be away from everything. I want to run from the pain. I want to forget.
“Anything. It’s too beautiful a day to waste, don’t you think?”
Chapter Twelve
HALF AN HOUR LATER they were at a small park. Her eyes no longer held any hint of shadows. Ethan had seen them in the study, and for a moment time had ceased to flow as he wondered what he’d done to make her sad.
He hadn’t probed though. The way she’d turned away had demanded privacy.
They walked together, their fingers entwined. Her skin was cool, and he squeezed her hand, giving her a bit of his warmth.
Several yards away, young children played near a picnic table laden with food. Two thirty-something men in casual shirts and jeans were dealing with some burger patties on a grill while women of about the same age stood and chatted. A small boy cupped his hands around something, while his buddies circled him. They glanced at the lone girl and smiled the “we’re going to make a girl scream” smile. She didn’t miss a beat. She noticed the look and ran away before they could show her whatever it was they had. One of the women ran a hand gently over her head as the girl charged past, the affectionate gesture unconscious and natural.
Though their linked hands, Ethan sensed tension run through Kerri. She was gazing at the picnickers. Her eyes glistened, then darkened with an old pain.
A memory surfaced, unbidden; the way she’d looked at the christening party seven years before, the first time they’d met. In contrast to everyone else, grief had dulled her eyes as she looked at the baby.
And here it was again, children together with some long-buried pain. Had she lost a child dear to her? He doubted she’d had any of her own. She’d been so young at the christening party, and the kind of career she’d had didn’t exactly encourage motherhood.
Kerri blinked, and just like that her eyes were clear. If he hadn’t been watching her closely he might have never realized the sight of children had affected her at all.
“A quarter for your thoughts,” she said, her tone overly
casual.
“A whole quarter? I’m flattered.”
“Hey, you know. Inflation.”
He debated telling her the truth, then decided against it. If she knew how much he’d noticed, she’d become even warier. “Just thinking that you’re beautiful.”
“You are such a flatterer.”
“You don’t think you’re stunning?”
“Mmm…pretty, but not stunning. Your date at the ball was stu—” She bit her lower lip. “Sorry. Can’t believe I said that.”
“It’s okay, I guess. Did you see pictures or what?”
Her tone turned defensive. “On the Internet and gossip blogs. They sort of popped up on my tablet.”