She reached up to touch him, needing that brief moment of contact before she went on. "I love our relationship, Gray. I havent regretted ceding the power, the decision making, putting myself into your hands completely and wholly. I wanted to be taken care of, and until recently thought you did such a wonderful job of making me feel, well, taken care of. "
When he opened his mouth, she placed a finger over his lips.
"I was an idiot, Gray. I swear Im not usually so irrational. I just got scared. Im not even sure what the hell happened. Youve been wonderful, and I feel so unappreciative. I acted like a child sulking because she wasnt the center of attention. If I could take it all back I would. I just snapped. "
"Snapped?"
He looked so perplexed she almost laughed.
"Yeah, uh I sort of had seduction in mind last night and when you didnt show up yet again after work, I got pissed, then I got overly emotional, and then I convinced myself in a fit of self-pity that you werent attracted to me any longer and were avoiding me like the plague. "
His mouth dropped open, and his eyes gleamed with silent laughter.
"Dont you dare laugh," she muttered. "It all sounds perfectly ridiculous now, but at the time I was convinced I was about to be single again. "
At that his amusement vanished. He touched the tip of his finger to her chin, his eyes
boring holes through her.
"You arent the only one who screwed up, Faith. Yeah, my intentions were good, but how were you supposed to know that? I shouldnt have tried to keep the house a secret, and I damn sure shouldnt have spent so many nights over there with no explanation. In hindsight Im lucky you didnt think I was cheating on you. All I can say is that it aint ever going to happen. Youre it for me, baby. And I sure hope to hell Im it for you. "
She sighed and nuzzled her cheek against his hand. "You are it for me, Gray. I guess we can be stupid screwups together. "
He found her lips, kissing lightly, then deeper. "I love you. "
She smiled against his mouth. "I love you too. Forgive me?"
"Of course. Now, we need to talk about this other matter between us. "
He raised the paper bag between them so that they both stared at it. Youd think a snake was hiding in it with the way they eyed it so cautiously.
"If. . . if youre pregnant, we can do this," he said. "No, its not how we planned it, but it wont be the end of the world. Well adjust, and well be damn good parents. "
Her lips trembled and she stared into his eyes, drowning all over again in love.
"I cant believe I almost did this without you. "
"Dont make a habit of it," he growled affectionately.
"You going to watch me pee on the stick?"
"How bout I stand over here and study the ceiling while you do the deed. Then well embark on the longest five minutes of our lives. "
She chuckled, and he lowered her down to the floor then moved away from the toilet. He leaned back against the counter while she tore away the packaging and concentrated on the instructions.
"Think well look back on this day and laugh ten years down the road?" Gray asked.
She pursed her lips as she turned the plastic tube the right way and then looked back up at him. "What if I am pregnant? I wouldnt want our child to ever know we sat here and prayed he or she didnt exist. "
"First of all, who says well say anything? Second, Im sure if you are pregnant, then well spend parts of the next eighteen years and beyond wishing he or she didnt exist. "
She laughed, feeling some of the tension escape with each burst. "Okay, dont talk to me for a minute. I dont pee well under pressure. "
He chuckled but fell silent as she wiggled and maneuvered until her underwear was where it was supposed to go and the plastic was where it was supposed to go.
"How do you keep from peeing on your hand?" Gray asked.
She froze and looked up to see a bemused expression on his face. Then she burst out laughing.
"Wouldnt it be easier to pee in something else first? That just seems to be an awfully small target," he said doubtfully.
Her shoulders shook so bad that she couldnt keep the test in place.
"Leave it to a man to make perfect sense of a female issue," she muttered. "But then a man probably invented the damn thing to begin with. "
"Want a cup?" he asked with a grin.
"Please?"
Laughing he left the bathroom and a moment later returned with a foam cup.
"Not that this is likely to keep any more pee off my hand," she said as she eyed it.
Gray dutifully remained silent while she administered the test. When she was finished, she laid it gently on the counter and the two of them stared at it like it would go off after the allotted time.
She blew out her breath, puffing her cheeks as the air whooshed out. "Okay, so now we wait. "
"Come here," he said, holding out his arms.
She slid easily into his embrace, pressing against his muscled chest. Her fingers idly brushed over where she knew the scar lay under his shirt. A reminder of how close she came to losing him. She closed her eyes, willing those memories away.
"You know well handle this, no matter what," he said.
She nodded. And she did know. It wasnt as if either of them had anything against children. She just wanted . . . time. Time with Gray. Time to enjoy it being just the two of them. Later when they were comfortable in their relationship, comfortable with each other and some of the new and shiny had worn off, then they could think about children.
"Heres what I suggest," he said as he pulled her away from his chest. "I think we should go out and celebrate. Dinner, some good conversation and then come home and make love until we pass out. The only unknown is what well be celebrating, right?"
She leaned forward and linked her arms around his neck. "That sounds absolutely wonderful. Especially the part about making love until we drop. Ive missed you, Gray. As much as I love surprises, I dont like them at the expense of you being away so much. "
He kissed her nose and then her cheeks and finally her lips. By the time he nuzzled a path down her neck, shed forgotten what it was theyd been talking about.
"I have plans for you tonight," he murmured.
A delicious thrill ran up her spine and exploded at her nape. She loved it when he got all mysterious and brooding and sexy.
Then she frowned. If she was pregnant, theyd have to curb some of their sexual activities, wouldnt they? Not that Gray would ever hurt her, but the lash of a crop, a belt, sometimes a flogger . . . A dreamy sigh escaped her lips as she imagined him stroking her skin, raising red-hot heat across her body.