From: [email protected]
Subject: Buy me a house
Hey Marie,
Got a project for you to work on. I want to buy a house in Drover, Texas. It’s owned by a woman named Margaret Bane, and in case you’re wondering, it’s Max’s grandmother. She’s going to sell her house. It’s listed with an agent named Bobby something.
I stop for a second, wondering if it’s the gun-firing Bobby. Hmm. Well, not that important. I continue with the email.
Nobody can know that I’m the one buying the house. And don’t let Max’s grandmother know, either. Buy it under one of my trusts. Quietly.
D
P.S. I’m running low on body wash and shampoo. Please order me a new set. Thanks.
I hit send, feeling a sense of efficient accomplishment that I placed an order to buy a house and toiletries in one email. Then I go to Facebook to see the reaction to the video announcement of my wedding.
Lots of likes and shock. Actually, more shock than likes. Jesus. Is it really that shocking that I got married? I have nothing against marriage. I just never found anybody I trusted enough to get hitched.
Technically, I suppose you have to fall in love to marry, but how the hell can you love somebody you can’t trust? What if the bitch stabs me in the back when I’m sleeping?
My bandmates’ comments are at the top.
Cole: Congrats, dude! Teri says she’s happy for you.
Haha. I like Cole’s comment and respond, Tell Teri thanks!
Killian: I knew it! Congrats! Emily wants to know everything. She says there’s gotta be an amazing romance story there.
I also like Killian’s comment, then reply, Tell Emily I said hi! But I’m not revealing anything, since there’s no Grumpy Bossy Vegas Wedding in Becca’s and my story. Speaking of which, I should give that title to Emily. She’ll appreciate it.
Max: DMMKY.
Max, my man. Why don’t you make your displeasure better known? Everyone knows what DMMKY stands for—Don’t Make Me Kill You.
But based on some of the reactions from people to that comment, they seem to think it means something else. I heart his comment just to piss him off and confuse others, and move on.
A new email alert pops up.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Budget?
Hi Devlin,
You scared me for a second there, since I can’t afford to buy you a house, even if it’s for a wedding gift. By the way, congrats!
Anyway, got it. Do you have a firm budget? And how quickly do you want me to buy it for you?
Marie
P.S. Your toiletries have been ordered.
She should know better than to ask me for a budget. On the other hand, I’ve never asked her to buy anything as expensive as a house, so maybe she just wants to confirm.