“Yeah. Why?”
“That asshole! Did you check your PayPal? Did the bastard refund your money?” she demands, more outraged than me that Bruce didn’t deliver the goods.
“Actually…no. I haven’t had a chance to do anything yet, but I’ve got thirty days to file a complaint if he didn’t.” I pull out my phone and check the account. “Nope. No refund.”
Tasha slams the table with an open palm. “That bastard!”
“Tasha, eye on the ball here. I’m married. That’s what counts.”
“But to Devlin, not Bruce! You should totally dispute the charge,” she says.
“Okay. I will.”
“No, no, no. Do it now, before you forget.”
Guess she doesn’t care about the thirty days. “Okay.”
She leans closer, which means she isn’t moving until I do it. Now.
So I file the complaint with PayPal then flip the phone and show her the screen. “All done. Happy?”
She crosses her arms across her chest. “I will be once you get your money back. I can’t believe he didn’t show. People who don’t deliver what they’re paid to do… What’s the world coming to?” She uncrosses her arms and takes a sip of the coffee. “I’ll bet he lied about how good he is in bed.”
“Did he say that in his profile?” I ask. “I don’t remember seeing it.” Even if I did, it wasn’t on my list of must-have qualities for my fake husband.
“He said
, ‘Satisfaction guaranteed.’ Then he also added no client of his has ever complained about his performance. If that’s not bragging about how good he is in bed…” She raises an eyebrow and shrugs.
“I guess, but it really doesn’t matter.” I was mainly interested in how clean-cut and wholesome the guy could look, which is why I needed Tasha to look them over with me.
“Jacob would’ve shown up,” Tasha says glumly.
“Jacob?”
“The other guy. Remember? It was him or Bruce.”
“Oh…right. That guy.”
Tasha nods. “He sounded trustworthy.”
“Why? Did he say sometimes he can only manage one orgasm instead of forty?”
“No. But the name Jacob is biblical. Old Testament.”
“And that makes him trustworthy?”
“Well, it doesn’t sound like the devil. That Bruce guy looked like he could be a serial killer. You know, the type when he gets caught, people go, ‘Oh my God, I had no idea! He seems like such a great guy!’”
I almost spew my coffee out. I cover my mouth, just to be sure. When I’m positive I’m under control, I laugh. “You think of the weirdest things.”
“I’m just saying.” Then she gasps. “Oh my God. You said you didn’t want the fakey for sex. How did Mr. Devlin drummer take that idea?”
“He vetoed it.” I frown a little as I remember he wants to do it as many times as possible, as long as I’m amenable. I have a feeling he’s not going to have a lot of trouble there, even if Max thinks Devlin has ED for some bizarre reason.
“Good for him.” Tasha bubbles with satisfaction. “I was sad that you were going to go without.”
I give her a “seriously?” expression. Sex wasn’t a priority for a fake husband because sex is okay, but generally not worth putting much energy into.