“Sounds like you’re speaking from experience,” I say, eyeing her.
“Uh huh. I hired one for one of my exes.”
“Oh my God. Remind me not to piss you off.” Hilary and I exchange a glance.
Jo snorts. “Not to kill the guy, just scare the pants off him. That’s the least he deserved for cheating on me.”
“So did it work?” Hilary asks, leaning forward.
“Oh yeah. My ex got so scared, the fool tried to jump off his balcony to escape. He was living on the second floor, and there were plenty of bushes under the balcony. But he still broke both his legs.”
I shake my head, trying not to laugh. “You’re crazy.” I wipe tears leaking from the corners of my eyes.
“Angry and determined was more like it. There were other options, but running someone over with a car is so passé. And I didn’t want to dent my ride on his hard skull.”
Hmm. Maybe I should mention that to Salazar. On the other hand, it’s his Aston Martin that’s going to get dented.
“So what are you going to do? You know Dane’s not going to give up, right?” Hilary says, looking worried. She finishes her martini and signals for another.
“Who cares if Salazar owes his son a favor? And why should Kim have to pay up?”
I lean forward. Jo’s devious mind is onto something. “What do you suggest?”
Jo snaps her impeccably manicured fingers. “Outsource the date. And don’t get somebody nice. Sounds like Dane’s friend deserves to be paired up with a warty-snatch ho.”
I laugh. That is hilariously gross. On the other hand, Wyatt might not care. He married Geneva, after all. She might not have a warty snatch, but she definitely has a warty heart.
“I can ask around,” Hilary adds. “I heard RentADate is pretty good if you want to use it.”
“Better idea: GoldDiggers dot com,” Jo says.
“For sure.” I nod with a small, vicious smile. Maybe it’s the alcohol or the company, but my friends are right. I don’t have to attend the wedding myself, or even find someone nice for Wyatt. He just needs some pretty thing with a pulse. A rotten core will be a bonus.
And really, I don’t even have to do the finding myself. He’ll find a leech on his own just fine. He has the money, and is still young enough to be considered attractive, if the gold digger doesn’t care about personality.
Feeling much better, I order another drink.
“But regardless of your situation with this…ape, you should still get a man of your own,” Jo says.
I blink, then shake my head. “No time for that. My job keeps me busy, and I’m perfectly happy on my own, thank you very much.”
“I know it keeps you busy, but if you had a boyfriend, nobody would expect you to date that man.”
“True.” Hilary nods. “Unfair, but true.”
I wave away my friends’ advice. “I can find him a lousy date. It’s not that hard. If I have to, I’ll get him an escort.” And expense it to Salazar. If he wants, he can bill Dane for her services. It was their dumb bet anyway.
“Boyfriends have benefits,” Jo says. “Keeping you warm, carrying heavy things, fending off intruders…”
“The sex can be nice, too.” Hilary’s gaze goes a bit dreamy. I bet Mark’s great in bed. Maybe Jo’s right about me being without a boyfriend for a long time. But I’m not going to lower my standards just to have a warm body beside me at night.
“And they kill bugs for you,” Jo adds in case I’m not convinced yet.
I laugh. “Thankfully, my apartment is pest-free.”
Jo gives me a long, assessing look over the rim of her drink. “Just think about it.”
Chapter Seven