Dear Marion,
After careful consideration, I’ve decided it will be best if I look for opportunities elsewhere. Thank you for taking the time to interview and meet with me. I hope we can stay in touch.
Sincerely,
Amy Sand
I stare at the email for a second, making sure it sounds okay. Then I go back and delete “I hope we can touch in touch.” If I didn’t put that phrase in my GrantEm resignation, I’m not putting it on my letter to Marion.
My heart does a massive tumble, and my belly twists and churns like laundry in a spin cycle. I clench and unclench my shaking fingers and hit send.
The email vanishes, and my heart starts beating normally again.
I made the right decision.
Then I think about what Dad said. About my fear of something bad happening, and my need for an exit plan. Compared to my coworkers, I can be overly careful. I make plans and I stick to them.
That’s why I didn’t act on my attraction to Emmett. I dated safe guys—who all ended up not working out. I only went for Emmett when I thought it didn’t matter how our affair ended because I wasn’t going to be around for long.
You were planning to fail, which is why the relationship between you and Emmett failed.
I close my eyes briefly. I don’t know if I was actually planning to fail, but my mind was focused on the relationship failing. Even as Emmett romanced me and took me on that amazing dive and cared for me when I was sick, I was thinking about the end.
So when the horrible party happened… I just…assumed he would be like Mom and never told him why I was upset. Never gave him a chance to explain his side. But what could’ve been the worst outcome of talking to him? Nothing that bad. I would’ve learned that he really was a jerk or there was a big misunderstanding that needed to be cleared up.
I’ve been really emotional since finding out about my pregnancy. I presumed my life was becoming messy because I didn’t stick to the plan and made the impulsive decision to sleep with him.
But that decision brought me some amazing memories with Emmett. And this baby, who is unexpected but whom I couldn’t love more. I constantly think about the precious little life inside me—worrying about whether I can be a good mother. I want to give this new human all the love and support I was blessed enough to receive growing up.
Okay, so I’ve totally screwed up. But maybe it isn’t too late to talk to Emmett. To be really open about my fears and hopes and dreams.
Like Dad said—what’s the worst that can happen? Emmett refusing to listen? That wouldn’t be any worse than my current situation.
I have nothing to lose.
Bolstered with renewed optimism and bravery, I text Sasha for some tips on how to approach an ex-boyfriend after a fight. She has far more experience dating than me.
Her answer comes after a few minutes. And the advice nearly makes me fall off the kitchen counter stool.
–Me: Are you sure that’s a good idea?
–Sasha: Trust me. I’ve never NOT gotten a guy’s attention with this tactic. Plus, it’s going to be extremely convenient when you make up and need to celebrate.
–Me: I don’t know. It didn’t work on him before.
–Sasha: Wait! You tried it already?
–Me: Not ME. You know how I am.
–Sasha: Yeah, you need more sass and confidence. Anyway, the other girl must’ve done it all wrong. You have to have the right attitude to pull it off, which I expect you to have.
–Me: If you say so.
I’m doubtful, since I’m going there to apologize and talk, not impress him with my attitude.
–Sasha: Look, if you’re that skeptical, let’s make a bet. $500.
–Me: Okay. I could really use the money.