I winked at Catalina before looking over at my brothers. They smiled. They were still by the kitchen island, taking their time pouring the tea. I indicated with my head for them to come over, and I waited until everyone settled down.
“You’re beautiful,” Rachel commented to Catalina, though I could see a hint of curiosity in her voice. She was wondering why Catalina hadn’t spoken to her.
Catalina, for her part, smiled at Rachel in pleasure.
“Thank you,” I replied.
Rachel turned back to me, letting go of my hand to take the glass that Damien handed to her. “Are you okay? Is your life peaceful and happy?”
Peaceful? That word was laughable. My life was anything but peaceful, but I was finding little pieces of happiness here and there. That should be enough.
I looked at her.
Growing up, I’d lied to her many times. Mostly to cover all the wild and rowdy things I had done as a young boy living in Moscow. But for the first time, my lie felt necessary.
“Yes,” I answered.
Her eyes told me she knew I was lying. She didn’t call me out on it.
I cleared my throat and took a sip of the sweet tea. “What about you? Are you happy?”
“I’m happy, baby. I’m at peace.”
I nodded. That was all I needed to know. Something settled in my chest. Something light, yet so fucking heavy all the same.
I rubbed away the slight pain that took hold.
“Thank you so much for inviting us into your home. It’s lovely. But I think it’s time we left,” I said, standing up.
“So soon?” she asked, standing up too, looking like she was about to stop me. I'd only reached her shoulder when I had been separated from her. Now I towered over her. I hadn’t realized how tiny she was.
“Yes. I think it’s for the best.”
I had spent so many years obsessing over finding her again that I never really thought how it would be once I did. But looking at the life she was able to build for herself, I didn’t want to taint it with my darkness.
I didn’t want to linger for fear that I might be unable to let her go, and bringing her back into my life was worse than a death sentence. My thoughts, as always, moved to Catalina.
She couldn’t escape my brothers and me. Not now when she was so fully entrenched in every facet, every molecule of my very own existence.
Mom opened her mouth, but when nothing came out, she closed it again.
Then she wrapped her arms around my waist and hugged me tightly. I paused before I slowly and fully engulfed her in my arms. She buried her face in my chest.
“Be careful, Mikhail. Live a long and happy life for Mom.”
It was the first time she acknowledged herself as my mom. I blinked away the sudden burning in my eyes.
It had been years since I cried.
I had long grown detached. I’d forgotten my own humanity.
But something shattered in me, holding onto her like this.
I nodded and bent down, taking in her comforting scent. When we pulled away, I realized we were the only ones in the kitchen.
“I’ll walk you out,” she said, her voice cracking.
I nodded and followed her out to the living room. We found everyone standing in the foyer. Catalina took me in, and had Nikolay not held her back, I imagined she would have run toward me.