CHAPTER27
Colby
The guys woke me the next morning as the sun was just starting to rise. I stood out on a little rock overhang and watched as the sky lit up in majestic purples and pinks. There was something incredible about the sunrises and sunsets out here.
A sharp whistle sounded and I sighed as I turned and walked back over to the area where they were saddling the camels. Sig walked up to me with a smile on his face and a bundle of cloth in his hands.
“Wear this. It’ll help out if we run into anyone once we get out of the mountains. Arms up.”
I obeyed and he slipped a thwab over my head. It was the clothing the men out here dressed in. The material fell to my feet, a bit too big for me, but otherwise not bad. As soon as it fell over my tactical clothing, I felt warmer. The thick material was almost as good as a sweatshirt for keeping out the cold.
Sig began looping a scarf around my head, concealing my hair. He worked silently, and even though I was angry I longed to rub my cheek against his strong hands.
It was hell trying to regulate my emotions where these men were concerned. I already knew I was in love with them, not that I’d admitted it out loud, but I wasn’t sure I could live this way. I didn’t know how to set aside my upbringing and independence. They wanted me to obey them at all times, and most of the time it was easy. But when it wasn’t, it set my dual natures at war with each other.
I didn’t know how to be a submissive woman who let her man—or men in my case—take control. Or in their case, assert control, sometimes physically. I’d been taught to do the opposite. I was expected to take care of myself and help protect others. That was the last thing they wanted. They wanted me protected. I had to admit, there was a certain appeal to that. Knowing that they valued me so highly. That they would rather anger me than see me harmed. It made my heart flutter. That still didn’t outride the fact that I wasn’t sure how to be what they wanted. What they needed.
We picked our way carefully out of the mountains, following steep, treacherous paths. I had to use one hand to hold up my thwab, like I would a dress, so I didn’t trip over it. The mental image of me stumbling and falling off the sheer drop-off that was currently to my left made me gulp. I was sweating thanks to the exertion, but also the nerves.
We were silent the entire way down and I was grateful for a break from orders and commands. When we were like this? It was easy to love these men. They were thoughtful and sweet, holding out strong hands to help me over downed trees and past shrinking pathways. It was so different from the other half of their personalities.
When we reached the foothills and no enemies had popped out at us, we climbed on the camels and set off across the vast landscape.
I wasn’t pleased to be riding in front of Rafe. It would suit me better to ride with one of the others. I was angry at them all, but him the most right now. Which is why he insisted I ride in front of him. Worse, my libido rejoiced.
Arrogant jerk.
His body was brushing against mine with every step Ayad made and I couldn’t help the pulsing that started up in my core. I was sitting between Rafe’s legs, his dick rubbing against my ass. It didn’t matter that I was pissed off, my body still wanted him.
He wrapped one thick arm around my hips, steadying me as we plodded along. I peeked over my shoulder, wondering if he knew the riotous feelings he was creating within my body. His face was stoic as he stared out ahead of his camel.
Sighing inwardly, I faced forward again and prepared myself for a torturous ride. I turned and peered around him and found Mulligan—my new mule friend—tied to the back of Dasha. He was helping carry some of our supplies, though not too much because he wasn’t up to full strength.
The sun rose as we traveled and the desert around us began heating up. My thwab was uncomfortable now that we were out of the mountains, but I didn’t dare take it off. If anyone came upon us, it was better that they thought it was four men out here. The others were wearing their own thwabs over their pants and t-shirts. If they could handle the heat, so could I.
It wouldn’t have been so bad if we didn’t have our tactical clothing underneath. Gross as it sounds, these thwabs would trap your sweat under the robes, but they were thin enough to allow a breeze through. The feeling of the breeze on moist skin would be very refreshing. That effect was lost on us though, so instead we would just sweat.
We came across a little outcropping of trees and Rafe had us stop there during the hottest part of the day. I was grateful to stop and rest.
Sig handed me a water canteen and I drank the liquid greedily while I watched my men take care of the camels and mule. The camels liked me well enough, but each was smitten with his, and her, own master.
Bilal nudged Arsen so hard he almost knocked him off his feet. I laughed and watched as Arsen scrubbed his hands up and down Bilal’s neck. The groaning sound the camel made was low and guttural. His pleasure at the scratching was evident.
I had my back to a low hanging tree and sat back in the shade. I’d offer to help, but I knew they’d refuse. That was one thing about them, they took the whole ‘protector’ role seriously. They might require that I obey them, but they always took care of me. A girl could sit back and never lift a finger and they would be happy about it. It was just too bad I wasn’t that girl.
Splashing a little of the tepid water over my face, I fanned myself. The sun and Rafe’s body rubbing over mine had overheated me. My clit was still throbbing with every heartbeat. I was determined to ignore my body as it urged me to forgive them and demand to be fucked. I wasn’t a mindless thing and if I gave in now, on this, they’d be controlling everything I did for the rest of my life.
Although for that kind of sex on a daily basis I could be tempted to give in.
“I don’t think I can do this.” I was surprised because the thought just sort of popped out of my mouth. I hadn’t meant for it to, but now that it was out there, I was sort of relieved. That feeling was short-lived when they all turned around and stared at me.
There were different emotions on each of their faces. Sig was worried, Arsen looked resigned, and Rafe…of course Rafe looked pissed.
“Do what, Colby?” Sig asked. “Have you changed your mind about going after Roj?” The hope in his tone almost broke my heart.
“No. I still need to help. I don’t…” I paused and licked my lips. The way they were watching me was making me nervous. “I can’t be with you.” The words sparked turmoil in them. Tilting my chin up, I met their stares head on. “Not like this.”
“Like what?” Rafe’s tone was low, dangerous.