My eyes slam shut as my chest rises and falls with every beat of my heart. Though, with every second that passes, I fall further away from what he’s doing to me and closer to the black abyss trying to consume me.
I barely feel him move his hand to my stomach.
“Grace,” Sebastian says, his voice thick. And with my world clouded in darkness, I realise he’s no longer lying on top of me.
His hand is still pressed to my stomach, his fingers lightly moving across my skin.
“I’m sorry,” I say through quick, shallow breaths, forcing my eyes open.
The dim city lights illuminate his face as he sits back on his heels, still straddling my hips.
His expression is pained—a contrast to his dishevelled appearance.
“Who did this?” he asks, and my heart sinks as his fingers trace over my scars. His muscles are so tense they look like they’re going to break through his skin, and I close my eyes so I don’t have to face him.
“Tell me,” he demands, anger lacing his tone. My eyes snap open, and he sighs. “Please,” he says, almost pleading.
I want to lie.
To run from the truth so he doesn’t hear it.
But my heart screams at me to let him in.
“When my dad died, I was left with nothing. No one.” I swallow thickly, the words sticking in my throat. “Except that wasn’t exactly true. My dad had a younger brother I didn’t know about, and with nowhere else to go…” I take a deep breath to settle myself.
“He was nice at first, but the way he looked at me… it was almost like he was keeping a dark secret. And the longer it took me to figure out what it was, the more excited he got. One night, he got tired of waiting.” Silent tears track down my cheeks, and I do nothing to stop them.
“How old were you?” Sebastian asks, his voice so low I barely hear it.
I take a shaky breath before answering. “Thirteen.”
Sebastian’s fist clenches against his thigh, and I want to stop. But now that I’ve started, it’s too hard to keep the words in. “The first time was the worst,” I say, my voice cracking. “I’d never felt pain like that before, like I was being ripped open from the inside.”
Sebastian lets out a pained groan, his hand squeezing my hip.
I remember the night he came to my room. Stroked my face until I woke. He told me he was tired of waiting and that he had something for me. Somethingspecial. I didn’t know what was happening, but the look in his eyes was enough to make my hands tremble, and I tried to push him away.
Until I was so desperate and terrified, I started clawing at his skin.
But he didn’t care.
The more I fought, the more he liked it.
He smiled against my mouth as I screamed in agony.
“He liked it when I hurt,” I say, more tears falling as the memories bombard me, and I can almost feel the knife slicing through my skin. “And he got more inventive as time went on. But that first night… he stole everything from me that night.” A sob escapes me.
“Fuck.” Sebastian pulls me into his lap, wrapping one arm around my waist, the other holding my head against his chest. “I’m so sorry,” he says.
I don’t know how long we stay like that before I lift my head off his chest.
My tears have dried, and Sebastian brushes my hair off my face and palms my cheek. I stare into his eyes, and though I can’t see their colour in this light, I let them calm me like the sound of the ocean.
He presses his lips to my forehead, and I let my eyes fall shut.
Pulling away from me, he gently lifts me from his lap and onto the bed, but when he goes to get up, I grab his hand.
I don’t know what he sees on my face, but he swallows hard. “Grace, I can’t.”