Chapter Twenty-Seven
EMERY
The sound of a car door shutting jolts me awake. Rolling my head on the headrest, I find the driver’s seat empty.Huh, where’s Sebastian?A second later, my door is pulled open, and Sebastian leans in, pausing when he sees that I’m awake. I must have fallen asleep on the drive from Lauren’s. I don’t remember being particularly tired when Sebastian showed up, but now that I’ve slept some, exhaustion sits just under the surface, waiting to pull me under again.
I smile at the sight of him in front of me. How could I have missed him so much after only a few hours?
“I love your smile,” he says, brushing a thumb over my rounded cheek.
I loveyou. The words sit on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t figure out how to form them into something he can hear.
What if he doesn’t love me back? Is it enough for only me to lovehim? There are still things he doesn’t know. Things I’ve kept from him that could break us apart. Mason told me to give him a chance, but if he’s wrong, I might lose him for good.
“How are you feeling?” he asks.
“Goood,” I say, the word slightly elongated. His face morphs in front of me, splitting into two, so I shake my head in an attempt to put them back together, though the movement only makes my head spin, and I have to close my eyes.
“Okay, let’s get you to bed,” he says, reaching into the car and undoing the seatbelt.
“Bed sounds good,” I say, my voice breathy, images of all the things we can doin bedflashing through my mind.
Sebastian pauses in his task. “The only thing we’re doing in bed issleep, Grace,” he says, reading my thoughts.
“But—”
“No buts,” he says before kissing the pout off my lips. I try to deepen the kiss, to taste him, but he peels me off too quickly. A flutter of rejection flows through me, even though I know he’s only doing it because I’ve been drinking. When my seat belt is off, Sebastian helps me out of the car, wasting no time lifting me into his arms.
“I can walk,” I say, still sulking over the kiss despite the fact that my arms encircle his neck.
“You were fine for me to carry you to the car at Lauren’s,” he says, and I can practically hear his raised brow.
I was?My memories of leaving Lauren’s are a little hazy, but I don’t remember him carrying me. “I was drunk,” I say as if that might explain my earlier willingness.
Sebastian lets out a laugh, my heart fluttering at the sound. “But you’re not now, hmm?” When I don’t answer him, he chuckles, and I rest my head against his chest with a sigh of defeat.
Sebastian carries me through the house, not letting me go until we’re in our bedroom. After placing me on the bed, he crouches down in front of me before untying my shoe and pulling it off, then moving to the next one. I watch him as he does this, noting the little crease between his brows that he gets whenever he’s concentrating on something, even if it’s only taking off my shoes. Reaching down, I smooth it away with my thumb, and he looks up at my touch. Even though his face is a little blurry, I still trace every inch of it with my eyes.
“Kiss me. Please,” I say. Sebastian’s eyes darken as he plants a hand on either side of me on the bed, bringing himself within an inch of my face.
“I’m not fucking you tonight,” he says, his voice, deep and rich, rumbling from his throat. “But don’t think we aren’t going to revisit you asking fororderswhen you’re sober.” He nips at my bottom lip, pulling a whine from me. Letting go of my lip, he plants his mouth on mine, although where I was expecting hard and explosive, his touch is soft and gentle, completely contradicting the heated words that had my core clenching only seconds ago. He pulls away with barely a brush of our tongues, and I’m left almost more breathless than I would have been if he’d given me the kiss I was anticipating.
“I’ll get you something to wear,” he says, pushing himself to his feet.
Rarely do I actually sleep naked. There have been a few occasions where I happened to fall asleep without getting dressed again, but I hate the feeling of being exposed, especially while I sleep. I have too many memories of my uncle coming into my room during the night, and the thought of not having a defence as simple as clothes makes me shudder. As much as I have tried to move on from my past, some things are more triggering than others.
Being around groups of people is still one of my biggest struggles, so I tend to stick close—probably too close— to Sebastian or Mason if I’m out with either of them, though neither of them ever says anything about it.
Although I love being with Sebastian, there are still some things when it comes to sex that I’m not sure I am ready for or ever will be. I’ve been able to work through some things, even enjoy them, but whilst the thought of him goingthereintrigued me a little, it also terrified me. It’s not just the pain I am afraid of. The night my uncle forced himself on me like that for the first time has haunted my nightmares nearly every night since. Blood everywhere. Lifeless eyes staring at me.Pain.
With a shake of my head, I push the thoughts from my mind. I glance at Sebastian as he searches through the drawers across from the bed. He’s never once done something that I wasn’t comfortable with, and I know if I ever asked him to stop, he would, but fear isn’t black and white.
Although I still haven’t forgotten how Sebastian rubbed his fingers over my puckered hole and put histonguein me, I can’t deny that it didn’t feelgood.Maybe it has more to do with it beinghim—Sebastian—than it does anything else.
Standing from the bed on wobbly legs, I try to let the memories go.
“Are you okay?” Sebastian asks, one of the T-shirts that I use as pyjamas in his hand. “You’re not going to be sick, are you?”
“I just need to pee,” I say, trying to add as much cheeriness to my voice as I can whilst making my way to the bathroom.