Two
The further we drove from our parent's house the more my anxiety levels increased. Being reckless was all well and good but I couldn’t shift my mind away from the fact that we’d left the place in disarray and finished none of what we set out to do. Lee didn’t care, obviously, but then it was never him that got it in the neck. Expectations for him had always been lower. By the time we got to his flat, I was in a mind to turn around and go back.
“You can leave the car here and we’ll walk into town,” he said as he turned the key in his front door. He lived closer to the local nightlife than I did so it made sense, but I didn’t love the idea of staying at his place. He stepped over the collection of mail that his doormat was hoarding and ushered me inside.
He’d never been a particularly organised individual, which was one of the reasons I visited so infrequently and invited him to mine, instead. Clothes lay strewn about the place, dishes sat unwashed, pizza boxes littered the coffee table and a faint whiff of cigarette smoke clung to everything. It reminded me of some of the student digs I’d seen at university, only Lee never attended and should have long since aged out of the lifestyle.
He grabbed two stale-looking glasses from beside the sink and set them down on the counter as I brushed the dust off one of the stools to take a seat.
“Your favourite,” he said, pulling the lid from a half-empty bottle of whiskey and pouring out two oversized measures. “Chin up.”
Drinking with Lee always put me on edge. He’d had issues in the past with never knowing when enough was enough, and though he had seriously cut back over the last two years I was always worried that he was balanced on a knife-edge between habit and addiction. Still, any attempt to discuss the topic inevitably led to arguments and I wanted an easy night, so I raised the glass to him and knocked it back.
“Right,” he said, slamming his glass down on the counter. “Let’s find you something to wear.” He walked behind me and pushed me up off the stool, nudging me towards his bedroom.
“Lee, tell me you don’t invite women in here,” I said as he pulled a t-shirt from the laundry basket. He sniffed it and threw it over his shoulder to join the other items cluttering his bedroom floor. I moved to sit on the edge of the bed and then thought better of it.
“Come on, get changed,” he said, turning his attention to the wardrobe. With the amount of clothes that had been discarded on the floor, I was surprised that there were any left to keep inside it.
“Why can’t I just wear this?” I asked, pinching my shirt at the chest.
“Because you look like you’re ready for a night down the bingo with all the other pensioners.”
I looked down at myself and sighed. I’d only intended to spend the day cleaning so fashion wasn’t a particular concern when I was getting ready, but the beige button-up I’d chosen had definitely seen better days.
“Here,” he said, throwing a shirt at me, “put this on. And this.”
I took my shirt off and replaced it with the items he’d given me; a white vest with a pink short-sleeved shirt, and tucked them into my jeans.
“And you can’t wear them.” He pointed down to my trainers and I kicked them off to join the rest of the mess on his floor. “They won’t let you in with those.”
He dug about for a pair of boots, which I had to admit were actually really nice, if not a bit uncomfortable, and I stared at myself in the mirror to check myself out. I looked more like him than ever, but I didn’t entirely hate it.
“Are you sure it’s not a bit much?” I asked, normally opting for more muted colours.
“No way,” he said, coming beside me to fuss with his hair in the reflection. “You look great, honestly.”
“I’m still not sure we should even be going out. I’ve got so much work to catch up on.”
“Tom, it’ll wait,” he said, shaking his head at me. “We own the business now. We can do what we want. Stop being so boring.”
“I’m not boring!” I snapped, a bit harsher than I intended.
Surprised by my outburst, he grabbed me by the arm, not roughly, but enough to make me pause, and turned to face me with a furrowed brow. “What’s wrong? You know I don’t mean anything by it, right? I’m just fucking with you.”
I pulled my arm away, feeling a little guilty. “I know. Sorry. I’m just…” but I trailed off, unable to pinpoint exactly why I felt so touchy.
“I don’t think you’re boring, Tom. I know you’re not. You just need to chill out a bit. Come on, let’s go. You’ll have a great time.”
He covered himself in aftershave, swung a jacket over his shoulder and motioned me out of the room.
“Just have fun,” I told myself as I reached for the door handle, and with a final deep breath, I headed out into the evening.
“Drink! Drink! Drink!” Lee chanted at me a few hours later as I downed another pint amongst a crowd of revellers. We’d hopped from bar to bar until coming to a stop in a converted church where the DJ sat nestled in what used to be the pulpit and drinks were poured from an exaggerated-looking altar. When I finished my beer I raised the glass over my head and cheered, and the crowd cheered back. My plan to have just one drink was long out the window but I surprised myself by having a really good time.
“Mr Jacob, I didn’t know you had it in you.” I turned on the spot to see Nia, one of the office juniors coming through the crowd. She’d joined the firm a couple of weeks before Dad passed away and seemed to have taken a bit of a shine to me.
“Call me Tom,” I said, my speech slurring. I may have been her boss but I hated the formalities, especially outside the office. Though I’d never really socialised with anyone outside of work and they’d never seen me in this sort of state, thankfully.